


The Life of FourTris - One-shots

by the_girl_without_a_face



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Dauntless Initiation, Death, Divergent one shots, F/F, F/M, Fluff, One Shot, Romantic Fluff, abnegation, cute moments, dauntless, fourtris - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 01:32:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 32,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7339171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_girl_without_a_face/pseuds/the_girl_without_a_face
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One-shots about Four and Tris.</p><p>Topics:<br/>- Mainly about how their lives would have been in Dauntless without the war<br/>- If they had both chosen diffently<br/>- Their lives in our world</p><p>Mostly based on songs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Last Night

SONG: "LAST NIGHT" BY THE VAMPS

 

FOUR'S POV

I was leaning against the railing in the Chasm. The music was loud and I couldn't focus my vision. It was the day the final rankings of initiation were announced. Zeke was beyond happy because his job was over for this year. I was glad to have my friend back at the Control Room.

Zeke and Lauren were the instructors, Zeke got the transfers and Lauren got the Dauntless borns.

I had a bottle of beer in hands and my friends around me. Zeke had his arm draped across Shauna's shoulders, bottles in their hands as well. Uriah and Lynn were are having a shots competition.

Lynn won.

"Hey, Uriah, where's Marlene?" Zeke asked.

"She's getting ready with the girls. She'll be around soon," Uriah's voice was dragged, and I could barely understand what he said.

The group laughed because his words were slumped from the alcohol,

"I love this song!" Shauna shouted when the next song started. She began dragging Zeke by his hand.

Zeke grabbed my hand and I grabbed Uriah's. Not a chance I was going alone, even if I was drunk.

We were dancing to the beating of the loud music in the middle of the Pit, throwing our hands to the sky.

I hold my hands up high  
And throw my glass into the sky.

Since the Dauntless compound was underground, I actually threw my hands to the ceiling.

But when the morning comes  
We'll never see the sun.

We danced for a few minutes until the Pit gets really crowded, so we went back to the place we started this night: the Chasm.

And if the walls close in  
Then let's just start it all again.

And that was the best decision, because a girl stood there with Marlene. Her clothes hugged tightly her short and thin, but strong body. Her long blond hair fell in smooth waves in her back, making her look like an angel. Her grey-blue eyes were demanding, well-marked with dark make-up. Her spare lips were painted a deep red. I wanted to press my lips to hers in that moment.

Uriah ran (stumbled) to his girlfriend, embraced her in a soft hug and kissed her lips intensely. And I wanted to do the same with the girl.

That's when the evening comes  
Oh yeah the evening comes.

"Guys, those are Christina, Will and Tris," Marlene pointed to the three humans standing beside her. I didn't notice Christina and Will before.

"Nice seeing you again, guys. And as full members of Dauntless!" Zeke says. Oh, they were part of the transfer's pack of this year. "Now, there are rules to hang out with us," Zeke starts, pointing his finger to the three, "Nobody goes home before 6 a.m."

"Yeah! Nobody is going home tonight!" Uriah shouts.

No, we're not going home tonight

And that is true. Not once I hung out with the Pedrad's, Shauna, Lynn and Marlene and came back home before morning.

Wake up, the stars are shining

And the first thing when I reached my apartment was sleep. I had never woken up before the night was on again.

We'll do it all, we'll do it all  
We'll do it again.

And my friends were already calling me to repeat the night. Which I never refused because it was part of the "rules".

"Fine by me," Tris said. Her voice was deeper than I expected to be from someone her height. It was beautiful.

Christina and Will nodded, agreeing too.

"Also, you have to get drunk on night one," Zeke smirked while handing dark bottles to them.

"Night one?" Will asked.

"You'll see," I said.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wake up in the morning  
With the sunlight in my eyes,

I wake up with a bright light in my face. When I try to open my eyes, I see Zeke pointing a flashlight at my face. "C'mon, man! Wake up! Its' already dinner time. We have to eat something before partying again tonight."

I stand and my friend hands me a glass of water and a pill. "For your headache." I mumble a "thank you" before popping the pill down my throat.

No, my head don't feel so bright,  
What the hell happened last night?

"Zeke?" I ask while searching for clean black shirt and jeans. My usual clothes.

"Yeah?"

"What happened last night?" he hands me a muffin and takes a bite of his own muffin.

"I don't know, Four. I never do," he laughs.

Oh yeah last night think we were dancing,  
Singing all our favorite songs.

I have flashes of last night. Flashes where Tris and I were dancing one of my favorite songs.

Think I might have kissed someone.

A have a vague memory of her soft lips touching mine, of her hands on my hair and mine on her waist.

And if tomorrow never comes  
We had last night.

I usually don't kiss someone I just met. I don't trust many people, only the few people I have the honor of calling 'my friends'. But last night I just didn't care. I didn't care about tomorrow; I only cared about that moment.

"Zeke, I'll take a shower," I said.

"Okay, I'll assault your fridge," he laughed.

I chuckled. He would eat here and later at the dining hall. I always thought that was incredible.

Let's shut this party down,  
And pull the building to the ground,

It took me fifteen minutes to get ready and drag Zeke to the dining hall, where we always met out friends.

Marlene, Lynn, Uriah, Will, Christina were already there.

"Shauna and Tris will show up late. They had the afternoon shifts of work today," Uriah said before Zeke could ask about his girlfriend. I mentally thank Uriah for giving me information about Tris, and hope to see her again tonight. We nodded.

The group had dinner before going to the Chasm, leaning against the railing again. Uriah started passing bottles around, but I refused mine.

"Four?" he looked confused at me, as well as the rest of our friends.

"Not tonight, Uri."

"Does that have something to do with a blond, short girl?" Marlene smirked.

Yeah girl let's live it up,  
One night is all we got.

I blushed, but prayed that nobody saw. "What? I just have work tomorrow and I prefer to not be in a hung over while listening to Zeke's voice all day."

Let's dance until we die,

"Hey, guys!" Shauna waved. She had Tris by her side, who was wearing a short skirt and a flowy blouse. Again, her eyes were so insistent, beautiful. And marked with dark make-up. She was taller due to the heels.

Nobody's going home tonight,  
This kiss could be our last,

"Shauna, are you ready to party?" Zeke wiggled his eyebrows at Shauna. She laughed and kissed him.

Come on and raise your glass.

"Hell yeah!" she raised her glass.

No, we're not going home tonight  
Wake up, the stars are shining

"So let's dance!" Uriah yelled.

We'll do it all, we'll do it all  
We'll do it again.

This time I wanted to dance with Tris and remember it.

Wake up in the morning  
With the sunlight in my eyes

Tris seemed to notice that I wasn't drinking. She was smart.

She arched one eyebrows and raised her bottle.

No, my head don't feel so bright,  
What the hell happened last night?

"I want to remember tonight," I explained. She smiled and gulped her bottle down, before throwing it out.

Uriah saw Tris' empty hands.

"That was quick," he offered her another bottle.

"Thanks, but no," Tris said. She looked at me, "I want to remember tonight."

Oh yeah last night think we were dancing,  
Singing all our favorite songs.

That night, without a bottle in my hand, I had Tris' hand in mine and another on her waist, her other hand was pressed against my chest. We kissed sometimes. Her warm, soft skin was like silk, her lips were like heaven.

Think I might have kissed someone.  
And if tomorrow never comes  
We had last night.

One thing I knew: for helping me forget how awful the world was, I preferred her to alcohol.

We do it all again  
We do it all again  
So bring your friends and tell a friend to bring another friend (we had last night)

Uriah, Zeke, Marlene and Zeke brought Tris, Christina and Will to hang out with us.

We do it all again  
We do it all again  
By the end of tonight, we can all be friends (we had last night)

They passed our "group initiation".

We do it all again  
We do it all again  
So bring your friends and tell a friend to bring another friend (we had last night)

We used to do this ritual every two weeks: reunite our friends, party with us until morning, get drunk, and party again the next day.

We do it all again  
We do it all again  
By the end of tonight

Tris, Will and Christina partied with us until morning, got drunk, and partied again the next day. My friends trusted them, which was a good reason to make me think they were thrust-worthy.

Wake up in the morning  
With the sunlight in my eyes,

Today I woke up with a flashlight on my eyes, as bright as the sun.

No, my head don't feel so bright,  
What the hell happened last night?

My head was not clear from the night before.

Yeah last night think we were dancing,  
Singing all our favorite songs.  
Think I might have kissed someone.

I had flashes of memory. Scenes where I danced our favorite songs with the beautiful blond girl that stood before me, where I brushed her soft lips with mine. But that was before.

And if tomorrow never comes  
We had last night.

Even if I never talked to Tris again, I would still remember the flashes from last night.

Wake up in the morning  
With the sunlight in my eyes,

I had no alcohol in my system that night. Which meant that I would wake up calmly the next day.

No, my head don't feel so bright,

What the hell happened last night?

I would wake up with clear memories of the night before.

Oh yeah, last night think we were dancing,  
Singing all our favorite songs.  
Think I might have kissed someone.

I would remember everything from that night. The night I asked Tris on a date.

I grabbed her hand and gently pulled her away from the crowd. I lead her to an empty hallway and pressed her back softly against the wall.

And if tomorrow never comes  
We had last night.

"Tris?" I call her.

"Yes?"

"Would you like to go on a date with me?"

She looked at me and smiled.

"I would love to."

And our lips met.


	2. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If they had both chosen differently.

SONG: "FALLING" BY JAMESTOWN STORY FEAT. COREY WAGAR

 

My baggy Abnegation-grayed clothes never were practical for me. I was always too small for them.

Therefore some piece of the scratchy fabric would sometimes magically attach itself to a door knob, a table tip or even the armrest. I would always quickly detangle myself and go on with my life as if nothing had happened.

This time, though, the cloth wrapped up in the leg of a table. The cloth of my pants, by the length of my ankle.

I felt myself falling. And there wasn't much I could do.

I was holding a box full of the food supplies for the Factionless, my hands secured around the plastic.

As I was alone when everyone else was on break, there would be no reason to be embarrassed.

I was so wrong.

I felt a pressure on my waist, from both sides. I kept me from ending face-plat on the floor and brought me to a standing position once again. Away from the table this time. I felt a squeeze from the hands on my body. The weight from the box was lifted from my arms, his hands touching mine for a brief second.

I felt goose bumps from the touch.

"Are you all right?" A deep, strong voice asked. His arms placed the supplies on the table and then he came back to stand right in front of me.

He had mesmerizing dark blue eyes and a strong jaw line. His upper lip was thin while the lower lip was full. A hooked nose completed his striking appearance. His short hair made me doubt between black and dark brown.

"Beatrice?" He asked again.

I got out of my trance. How did he know my name? I must be hearing things. I still felt light-headed from the effect of his hands and eyes.

"Yes, I feel perfectly fine. Thank you very much," I nodded, in a hopefully formal gesture of Abnegation. After all, that's what I chose almost three weeks ago.

He furrowed his eyebrows, "Are you sure?"

His blue eyes skimmed me up and down and I felt completely exposed.

"Yes."

"So I'm right assuming that's not an issue," he gestured to my ankle. When I took a look at my pants, praying for it still be in place, I saw a great tear on the fabric.

"Not at all. I can fix it before donating it to the Factionless," I walked back to the table, though I could still see him from the corner of my eyes.

He wore Abnegation's clothes, but they weren't loose for him like they were for me.

The blouse hugged his arms and wide shoulders, though was loose on his torso. And, because of his height, there was no spare fabric accumulated on his ankles. So no fear in falling, like I did.

My task was quite simple: sorting the canned food that had come from Amity into the boxes we would share with the Factionless later that week. We would first organize and then deliver the food. We would take at least two days to accomplish the first part.

He soundly walked to stand beside me, doing the exact same thing I was doing. He had long and narrowed fingers; which worked fast and delicately.

"You really don't have to worry about that. This is initiates' work," I said.

"I'll help you, Beatrice." True Abnegation.

Yet, again: how did he know my name? I had to control my thoughts, but my aptitude for Erudite was a part of me.

"How do you know my name?"

His eyes landed on me. "You look a lot like your mother. And, as I volunteer here mostly, I figure it's at least expected that I know who you are."

"I guess..." I trailed off, not knowing his name.

I felt like I had seen him before. His eyes were so piercing, I felt them printed on my mind.

"Tobias." He bowed his head.

Of course. Tobias Eaton. The son of the leader of my faction. Our fathers are co-workers. Way to go, Beatrice.

I remembered my father talking about Marcus' son working with them, getting used to the leadership in Abnegation.

"Beatrice," I said as I returned the gesture. I saw the tips of his lips curving briefly before we both turned and kept going on our task. We didn't talk, but we kept each other's company. And, for the first time, I didn't feel awkward while volunteering. I felt that I belonged.

By the time the other initiates returned from their break, we had already finished the job for the day.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

"Here," I reached a few portions of the canned food in my bag.

"Thank you," the Factionless woman said after I gave her the food. I simply smiled kindly at her.

I was at the Factionless sector, distributing the canned food I had sorted with Tobias the day before. I really missed his company. Each initiate had a few streets to rotate. And an initiate partner. Except for me.

Though it was sunny, we had low temperatures. The factionless were mostly located under the heat of the sun, trying to get warm with their lack of clothes.

In times like these I would thank the thick material our dull-gray clothes were made from.

"I heard you were alone," someone said behind me.

I turned my head to find Tobias' gaze. "Yes, I am."

"Do you mind if I join you?" I felt something warm on my chest.

I shook my head and locked my eyes on the ground. Don't think much of it, Beatrice. He's just volunteering, it's normal to that in Abnegation. Someone must have told him you were alone and the selfless thing was to keep you company.

I didn't like my rational thoughts.

"Are you alright from yesterday?" he started walking again. I followed his quiet footsteps, walking beside him.

I looked at him, confused.

"With your ankle, I mean."

"Oh, yes. Nothing to worry about, I stitched the fabric las night."

"I was actually worried about you, Beatrice," he said, looking into my eyes. I felt my heart skip a beat and then go off as it I was running.

Tobias stepped closer to me, our bodies too close for Abnegation standards.

But I couldn't care less.

"Are you alright, Beatrice?" He asked me again. My name coming from his lips was a magical sound.

"So, how is initiation?" He asked after he gave a Factionless man a few portions of the canned food.

"Almost over now. I think we will volunteer at the hospital next week."

"Are you excited about that?" I felt his eyes on my face, but I kept my eyes locked on the building by the end of the street.

"Yes. I think it is quite useful to present the initiates the different volunteering jobs that exist," I said.

"I agree with you."

"Really?" I stopped dead on my tracks. I was never allowed to give my opinion and the times I did it I was scolded.

"Really. Please, tell me why you it's useful," Tobias asked calmly.

He wanted my opinion?

"The leaders take the initiates' likings into account. So it is good to take us to see the different jobs to notice excitement or happiness. I think each person likes and knows something different from the other. If the leaders took that into consideration to sort the jobs to the initiates, there would be less confusion of people asking to be moved from their posts," I say. "If an initiate loves taking care of babies, why put them to volunteer in with the Amity, loading trucks? If an initiate can't stand the sight of blood, their right place wouldn't be the hospital. People would like to change, maybe because of necessity, but defiantly because they knew they could help more if they worked with something they enjoy."

I looked at him when he didn't say a word after my speech. Now he probably knows there's something wrong with my brain and wants to keep his distance. The word "Divergent" was printed on my head.

"I'm sorry, I –" I started apologizing, but he cut me off.

"That's an amazing way of thinking."

Wait.

What?

Tobias seemed astonished, amazed even. Eyes wide open, his lips slightly parted and he breathed from his mouth.

"Do you mind if I talk about those ideas with my father? They might help the way we sort the jobs at the end of initiation." He talked fast, but the words came out clearly from his lips..

"Are you serious?"

He stepped closer to me, standing in front of me.

Once again, too close for Abnegation standards.

Once again, not that I cared.

Tobias' dark eyes sent energy through my eyes. A powerful energy, as like adrenaline or something that sent my heart into fire and made me be myself.

Being around him made me feel extremely comfortable and I didn't know why.

"I'm serious, Beatrice. You are deadly smart, you know? Perhaps your place after initiation is in the government," he smiled. "That, obviously, is if you want to."

"I don't know," I shrugged. Me in the government, doing what my father does?

"Just promise you'll think about it, please."

"I promise." Our gazes met and stayed like that for a few moments.

"Good," Tobias smiled.

We found more Factionless people along the way. And I couldn't stop thinking if he really wanted my company or if he was there only because it was selfless to keep me company.

"Beatrice?"

I turned around from facing my bed in the female initiates' dormitory to face my father.

"Yes?" I pressed my hands together in front of my body.

"Marcus told me you met his son, Tobias," he said, taking a few steps towards me. I had volunteered with him a few times already.

"Yes, father, I have. He helped me with the canned food for the Factionless a few days ago," I told him. There was nothing wrong about that, even for the Abnegation.

"I also heard you have some ideas for the jobs that follow initiation, is that correct?"

I could not read his facial expression, it was completely blank.

"Yes."

"May I?" my father gestured to the bed and patted the spot next to him, silently asking for me to sit as well. "I wanted you to share those ideas with me, if you have the time and will."

And I told him, the theory about the jobs, exactly like I told Tobias.

In the end, my father had a smile on his face and a light in his eyes.

"I will defiantly take all of that into consideration," he said. He stood up, "Thank you for your time, Beatrice."

I stood up as well. "Of course, dad."

"I'm so proud of you," he said and then his arms captured my body in a delicate embrace. I returned the gesture briefly, before we departed, smiled a polite Abnegation-like smile and he walked away from the dorm.

A few weeks ago, my father would never ask my opinion. But he had done it now and I could only thank Tobias Eaton for that.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

It was my first night as an official Abnegation member after the end of initiation. I was at home, at the kitchen preparing dinner with my mother.

"We have to make a little bit more tonight, honey," she told me while cutting the carrots.

"And why is that?" my Erudite curiosity took the best f me. Again.

"Marcus Eaton and his son will be here for dinner tonight," she smiled at me.

I was defiantly surprised by that. Relationships in Abnegation were defined by volunteering together and occasional dinners at the house of the family.

Tobias and I volunteered together, more than once. And it and now he's coming for dinner? But it was quite normal for Marcus and my father to have dinner and work at each other's houses. And Tobias worked with his father, so there I shouldn't be excited.

I actually shouldn't be excited at all. It was selfish to do so.

"Okay, mother," I returned her smile.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Eaton's arrived in time, not a single minute later than the agreed between Marcus and my father.

"Good evening." Tobias and Marcus bowed their heads at us.

My father and Marcus went to the living room to talk about politics. My mother returned to the kitchen with intentions of finishing dinner. Or with intentions of leaving me alone with Tobias, I'm not sure.

Tobias and I were setting up the table, placing one plate, fork, knife, spoon, napkin and glass for each person. He seemed more relaxed when his father wasn't around.

"How are you this evening?" Tobias smiled at me. I blushed.

"I'm good. What about you?"

"Better now."

During dinner, I could actually talk, for the first time. Since I was an official member of the faction, I had the right to express my opinions. But, as we were Abnegation, the conversation was quiet and polite.

It wasn't until the end of the night that Tobias stood before me and asked, "I'll see you tomorrow at the Volunteering Center?"

"I believe so, Tobias."

We smiled and bowed before he went home with his father.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

My job in Abnegation was governmental. I was being trained to follow my father's steps. And I really liked that.

Early in the morning I would go with my father to his office and learn about decisions leaders did and the other factions. Sometimes we would meet with Marcus and his son, making that more time together.

After lunch, I would accomplish some volunteering job with Tobias. Usually the eyes on us were less than with our parents, so we would always find a way to brush our hands during our chores. Smiles and looks were common too, though not so discreet

In the past three weeks, Marcus and Tobias came to have dinner with us seven more times. Tobias came to dinner twice more. I went there once.

It was tenser than dinner with my parents, like Tobias and his father didn't went along well.

At this very moment, I was helping my mother. We were preparing different piles of clothes for the Factionless. Sorting the different colors into piles of sizes and a complete collection: shirt, pants, socks, coat and shoes. The conversation was quiet and polite between us.

The door opened and Tobias walked in. He was late today.

"Good afternoon," he bowed his head to us and we returned the gesture.

"I should check with Susan, make sure she doesn't need help with her task." My mother smiled at us and left.

"I'm sorry, I'm late," he said, walking slowly towards me.

"It's okay. My mother helped me while she was here, as you've seen," I replayed. "Is everything okay, though?" I was worried that he had a problem. Maybe he needed help.

"I was talking with your father. Everything is perfect now," he seemed uneasy. Maybe not something wasn't right. "Beatrice, I wanted to know something," Tobias said, extending his hand for mine.

"And what would that be?" I asked, while delicately, with shaking hands, placing my hand on top of his and standing up.

He sighed. "This is harder than I thought," he whispered. Tobias swallowed and cleared his throat. My heart was racing.

Perhaps he wanted to put an end in this relationship.

He got down in one knee and grabbed my hand gently, his touch sending electricity through me. My lungs just seemed to stop working.

"Beatrice Prior, would you marry me?" his voice was deep and clear. And I felt my eyes opening wide.

"Yes," my own voice was only a whisper. He smiled at me, his perfect teeth showing how happy he was. My face showed a huge smile as well.

He placed the ring on my finger and stood up.

My ring was a simple grey band, Abnegation rules. And it was perfect.

His arms snaked around my waist and mine went around his neck, a tight embrace to demonstrate our happiness. Our arms reluctantly got loose and we looked into each other's eyes.

Barely a second had passed before Tobias fit his mouth to mine, in a delicate kiss. A few moments later, he broke the kiss and looked at me.

I thought I did something wrong, but then his lips touched mine once again. This time, a needier, strong kiss. I felt like myself. I felt Dauntless.

I felt free.

Choosing Abnegation was the best decision I had ever made. And that is because of Tobias Eaton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes? No?


	3. Terrible Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobias takes care of Thomas, his son with Tris.  
> Don't read if you're sensible.

Song: "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade

 

"Dad?"

"Kitchen, buddy!" I call out while cutting the onions to prepare our dinner.

Thomas comes to the kitchen looking nervous. "Can I ask you something?" He asks, sitting in one of the chairs and twisting his hands. His 15-years-old body being as tall and clumsy as I was at his age.

"Sure. What's bothering you?" I'm now facing him with both my hands in a 90o turn to my right, still cutting the vegetable. I'm already late at dinner today. He's not a baby anymore but I still want him going to bed early.

"My friends and I were talking about something today. A girl. They all seem to like her more than as a friend and apparently she likes me more than just a friend."

 

By the time I was your age I'd give anything

To fall in love truly was all I could think

 

Oh God. Already? I turn to face him entirely. The onions forgotten by my hands.

"Thomas, do you like her more than as a friend?" I ask. Please no, please. I try to take even breaths while placing one hand on the counter by my side to keep me steady.

I knew this would happen someday. I knew Thomas would like somebody someday.

"Don't get me wrong, I like talking to her and I think she's pretty. But I don't know." He tells me, his words slipping through his mouth really fast.

He rests his hands on the table in front of him and focuses his gaze on them.

"What is to like someone more than as a friend, dad? I mean, I love you, but it's not the same thing." He furrows his in concentration. A rug forms on his forehead, exactly like it formed on her forehead.

 

That's when I met your Mother, the girl of my dreams

The most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen

 

How to define love to a 15-year-old? How to tell your son that you loved his mother – and you still do – even years after her death? How to tell that you would not be here without how to tell that same son that you are still alive today because of your love for him? How to define such powerful feeling?

 

She said, "Boy, can I tell you a wonderful thing?

I can't help but notice you staring at me

 

"It's like... You feel that friendship isn't enough. You feel that you need more. You want more time with the person, you want to be more intimate, to know their secrets. You want to know more about them and you want them to know more about you." I try and explain, but love is not something that one can describe. One can only feel love. "To love someone is put their needs and happiness before yours; when making them happy is one of the goals in our life. You feel like you can be yourself with them and you love them by themselves. And you love them by who they truly are."

 

I know I shouldn't say this

But I really believe that I can tell by your eyes that you're in love with me"

 

Memories of her fill my mind. Every kiss, every touch, every word, every moment more perfect than the last. I take a deep breath to keep going, "Your heart beats faster when you look at her. You smile from only thinking about her. Her voice sounds better than the world's best song. You love everything about her. The way she looks is the most beautiful view on Earth. Every moment feels infinite, but at the same time happens so fast. Every second with her feels so precious. You want to freeze every breath because you want every breath to last forever. You love her more than anything in the whole world." Don't cry. Don't cry. For Thomas. You can't cry.

 

Now, son, I'm only telling you this because

Life, can do terrible things

 

"Is that how you felt about mom?" his innocent voice brings me back to reality. I manage to control my teary eyes and open them – I didn't notice closing them.

I look him in the eyes. His bright blue-greyed eyes, an exact copy of Tris', look focused.

 

Now most of the time we'd have too much to drink

We'd laugh at the stars and we'd share everything

 

I remember when Thomas was born. He was covered in blood, but we could still see his physical characteristics. Later, after both Thomas and Tris were cleaned and in the hospital room, we got to properly observe his features. While Tris had him in her arms and he was clinging at my finger like his life depended on it, Tris was mesmerized at how much we looked alike. The dark brown hair, the ears that I think stick out too far, the hooked nose, the spare upper lip, the full lower lip. His eyes were so deep-set that his eyelashes touched the skin under his eyebrows. An exact copy of me. Except the color of the eyes. Thomas has Tris' eyes. That beautiful and mysterious color.

She commented about how happy she was that our little boy was a little me; how many girl's attention he would get when he was older. I told her I only asked for her blue-greyed eyes and I was blessed.

 

Too young to notice and too dumb to care

Love was a story that couldn't compare

I said, "Girl, can I tell you a wonderful thing?

I made you a present with paper and string

 

"This is how I felt about your mother," I say while placing my hand on the table and staring at my ring. The same ring she placed on my finger the day we got married, the same ring I never had the guts to take off even years after her death. "This is how I've always felt about her," I say while blinking away my tears. I can't show him how broken I am. He doesn't deserve this weight on his shoulders.

 

Open with care, now I'm asking you please

You know that I love you, will you marry me?"

 

He nods and looks at the ring too. "I guess I don't feel that for Cecilia at all," he smiles shyly. He noticed how hard this conversation is for me and he's trying to lighten up the mood, just like she would try to do. Oh Tris, you and him are so more alike.

 

Now son, I'm only telling you this because

Life can do terrible things

 

"I hope you never feel that for someone, Thomas. If you meet someone and you think you're going to feel that, please, walk away," I beg, "Don't let her get to you." I pause, but carry on when I realize I have his entirely attention, "You know what happened to your mother. You know how that destroyed me, you see that every day. You know you're the only thing keeping me here, son. And to think that someday you might fall in love, and that... that... love could make you feel what I feel, I just- I can't even-" I sigh. To even think that he could experience this kind pain is even worse. "I just hope that if you do fall in love, God shows you a different reality. A different view of it. A view with a happy ending, not with this endless pain."

 

You'll learn one day, I hope and I pray,

That God shows you differently

 

All this time he had his focused on mine, his shoulders wide and his posture neat. He's being the strong one. He's being strong for me. I can't even be strong for our son, Tris. How am I supposed to do this?

 

She said, "Boy, can I tell you a terrible thing?

It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks

 

What Tris never got to see is how smart Thomas is, just like she was. How kind and selfless, his bravery to stand up for what he believes in, exactly how she used to be. I always knew she was brave, but I truly understood the extends of it when she told me about her sickness. I remember when she told me about her health problems. She wasn't worried that she was dying. She was worried about my reaction. She was worried because she knew I couldn't live without her. She said she couldn't have asked for anything different between us, because it was perfect. She said I was one of the few good things that ever happened in her life and how thankful she was for that. Thankful because she had me. I remember crying into her shirt during her monologue, because thruthlly my voice had simply disappeared. God, just thinking about her makes me wanna cry.

 

Please don't be sad now, I really believe

You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me."

Slow, so slow, I fell to the ground on my knees

 

Tears try to make its reappearance in my eyes, but I don't let them. I take a deep breath, kneel in front of him, place my hands on his shoulders, and say, "I can't bear to see the same happen to you."

 

So don't fall in love, there's just too much to lose

If given the choice then I beg you to choose

To walk away, walk away

Don't let her get you

 

We look at each other for a few minutes, until his small voice asks softly: "Will you tell me about what happened between you and mom someday?"

"Of course, buddy. One day I'll tell you everything." I ruffle his hair. "You do know you can ask about her now, right? I mean, you have before."

"Yeah, but I really want to understand that. And I think I'll do it better when I'm older," he smiles.

"You're as smart as her, did you know that? And that is saying a lot, because she was deadly smart. We may look alike physically, but you're so much like her mentally. And you're lucky for that. Especially the bravery and strength." I hug him and he slips his arms around me. He is as tall as I am now. His long arms, connected to his wide shoulders. We really do look similarly.

Their bravery is definitely something they both have in common. He was the strong one now and Tris was the string one multiple times. They both are strong for me. Though I was strong when she died and I had to take care of him, it doesn't mean I'm strong. I had to be strong. For Thomas and Tris. She wouldn't want me to drown in my own pain. She wouldn't want Thomas to grow up with a depressed and absent father. I wanted Thomas to have a full happy life, still want it. I wanted Tris to have a full happy life.

I love my son, but how could I take care of him when his mother, the girl I've loved my whole life, had just died? I managed though. Painfully and slowly, but I did. We did.

But when I crumbled, when the pain was too much for me to breath, Tris would be there for me. She would help me through it, make me see the good things, make me feel better. Now that she's gone, I thought I would be the strong one for Thomas. I guess I was wrong.

I feel something wet on my shoulder. I pull back to see Thomas' face streaked with tears, his eyes glistening with the transparent liquid. "Hey, what it is? Why are you crying?" I ask, my eyebrows frowning and my thumbs getting all his tears.

"I miss her, dad," he sniffs, "I miss her so much. I barely remember her, it's not fair." More tears come, from his eyes and mine this time.

I hate seeing him in pain.

 

I can't bare to see the same thing happen to you

 

I hug him again, more firmly this time, supporting him. "I know it's not fair. But I can help you. There's lots of pictures of her and I can tell anything you want to know about her," I sniff, "I know it's hard, but we can do this. Together, okay?"

He slips away from my arms, shaking his body and says: "Together." I guess we both have to be strong, after all.

 

Now son, I'm only telling you this because

Life, can do terrible things.

 

Later that night, I write him a song. I tell him briefly about our history. About my story with Tris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes? No?
> 
> (Not all of the chapters will be this sad)


	4. I Dream About You

Song: "I Dream About You" by Simple Plan

 

I feel her body against mine before I even open my eyes. I take a deep breath and can't fight the smile that comes to my face.

Her head rests on my chest, her arm rests on my shoulder and her leg is tangled with mine. Her dirty-blonde long hair sprawled in waves. Her eyes are closed and her lips slightly open.

 

Some people dream about money and fame

Taking miles on private planes

But they don't know you like I know you

 

I lay on flat on my back, my head rests on the pillow and my arms surround her thin waist. Our noses are a few inches apart, our bodies are close, the blanket comes all the way from our feet to her shoulder.

Tris and I went on a date last night, and we came back home really late. Among talking, eating and the train, we spent hours away. But it went so quickly due to my company. I'm still tired, though.

I don't know what time is it, but I don't care. No work for the both of us today.

 

Some people dream about looking good

Like movies stars and Hollywood

But they don't know you like I know you

 

We were tired, but the second we closed the door that. Our sleepy state gave place to a sudden hunger, a need for each other. Our clothes were gone in mere moments.

Our kisses were desperate, but soft. We were both gentle, although rough.

 

They don't understand, they think I'm a fool

If only they could see

 

It was around five in the morning when we laid in bed next to each other breathing heavily. In the end, we were so exhausted we did not bother about putting any articles of cloth on. We just entangled ourselves more in our own limbs, closed our eyes, said goodnight, kissed one last time, and sleep took us in.

 

I dream about you

Heaven only knows I do

I dream about you

Every single night it's true

I dream about you

 

Before I could actually sleep though, I whispered I loved her. She wasn't conscious anymore, but I know she heard me.

Even if it was in her dreams.

I dreamt about her and our amazing night. Now, I whisper I love her again. Her hand rests on my stomach now. I place our hands together and she, still sleeping, intertwines our fingers. I kiss her forehead.

Some people want to be famous. Some people want power and to control others. They would be locked up in a room full of self-accomplishments, all useless from my point of view.

 

And all I want in this life is currently asleep in my arms at this very moment. 

 

People wanna drive fancy cars

Maybe someday reach the stars

But they don't know you like

I know you I would rather spend all my days

Reminisce about yesterday

When I would stand right beside you

You don't understand, you think I'm a fool

If you only you could see

 

I close my eyes, trying to sleep again. The events of last night flash in my mind. Her beautiful black dress, her hair adorned her face in big loose curls. Her piercing blue-greyed eyes were more insistent than usual thanks to her black make up. I don't know how she does it, but that beautiful color pops-up. She wore her black combat boots. No heels.

I will get to call her mine really soon. Her jewelry consisted in the neckless I gave her two years ago, for our first anniversary. A black chain with a hanging deep-red Dauntless symbol. She never took it off since that day. A Dauntless outfit. My Dauntless girl in Dauntless clothes. My Tris.

That's how we went to the Ferris wheel so we could have a date last night. A lantern-lit dinner with hamburgers, a fizzy drink from Erudite and chocolate cake. She came back home with one more piece of jewelry. A black band with a small dark-grey diamond. Her past, Abnegation, and her future, Dauntless, in the same place.

I can't help but smile as open my eyes and look at her hand now and realize that last night was not a dream.

 

I dream about you

Heaven only knows I do

I dream about you

Every single night it's true

I dream about you

 

I don't want to wake up. I don't want to wake her up. I want to spend the whole day here with her. Skin against skin, palm to palm, face to face.

I close my eyes and breathe into her hair. She smells like something sweet and metal.

It always brings me a feeling of safety, since we went through my fear landscape together during her initiation a few years ago. For the first time, I didn't break the box in my second fear. I actually relaxed with her company, her laugh, her voice.

 

I never, I never wanna wake up

No I never wanna wake up

I never, I never wanna wake up

No I never wanna wake up

 

I open my eyes when I feel her head moving. Maybe she's waking up and she'll want to do something today. She's probably as tired as I am, but who knows what she's up to.

She never quits surprising me.

Her hair falls on her face as she stirs. My hand gently places a stand of hair behind her ear, then my fingers run across her soft long hair.

 

I dream about you

Heaven only knows I do

I dream about you

Every single night it's true

 

"You're staring creepily at me," her voice is raspy and dragged from sleep and her eyes are still closed.

"No, I'm not." I smirk, my voice is husky. It's the first time I use my vocal cords since I woke up.

She stretches her arms and yawns, opening her eyes just a freckle, "Good morning."

"Good morning," I kiss her forehead. She leans in and brushes her lips on mine as she speaks, "Nowhere to go today, right?" I nod. "What about we spend the day here? You know, just sleeping and doing nothing?"

"I couldn't say no to this," I kiss her. A soft, gentle kiss.

She snuggles her head in my chest once again. "Good night, Tobias. I love you." She kisses my chest.

"Good night, Tris. I love you too." I kiss her forehead. I observe her until her breathing becomes slower and more profound.

 

I dream about you

Heaven only knows I do

I dream about you

Every single night it's true

I dream about you

"I love you, Tris."

 

I close my eyes once again and drift off to sleep, dreaming about her. As always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes? No?


	5. The Reckless And The Brave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Normal Dauntless life.

SONG: "LONG LIVE THE RECKLESS AND THE BRAVE" BY ALL TIME LOW

 

Long live the reckless and the brave

 

"C'mon, guys! I still want to pass by the cafeteria before the train comes!" Uriah pounds on Christina's apartment. Currently, she shares the apartment with Will. They were supposed to be ready ten minutes ago, at the cafeteria.

We have 14 minutes until the train comes. We're playing Dare and the best way to do it is on the train, with alcohol and cake. We have the alcohol, but not the cake. Uriah is clearly desperate about the cake.

 

I don't think I wanna be saved

 

"Christina and Will, I'm gonna take the door down! We need to go," Zeke yells with his brother. I guess the Pedrad brothers are desperate, and not just Uriah.

Uriah and Zeke are hurrying Christina and Will up. Christina is probably still getting ready while Will sits on the couch reading a book. I would not be surprised if that was the scene rolling inside my best friend's apartment.

 

My song has not been sung

 

Lynn stands by the wall with her arms crossed on her chest and she sighs instead of exhaling air like a normal person, looking annoyed. Her girlfriend Rose is sitting on the ground by Lynn's side, her knees bent so she can rest her head on them. Marlene and Shauna talk enthusiastically about a new store at the Pit. Tobias and I are standing in the middle of the corridor, our hands intertwined. He has his muscles tensed and his hand squeezes mine frequently. I look at my watch: 10 minutes.

 

So, long live us!

 

"Honey, are you okay?" I ask. I can't say his real name in front of people, but I didn't want the coldness that comes with his nickname.

"I'm worried about the cake," his eyes go from his watch to the door to my eyes and back, "There's almost no time for the cake."

"We won't leave without the cake. I guarantee you that. In the worst case scenario, we wait for the next train. And while it doesn't come, we eat more chocolate cake. Sound good?" I ask, placing my other hand on his cheek. His eyes lock with mine as he leans down.

"You're the best," his lips brush mine as he pronounces the words. I laugh and kiss him softly. His hands to my waist and mine encircle his neck, the kiss always gentle, delicate.

 

Looking out at town called Suburbia

Everybody's just fighting to fit in

 

"You guys are so cute," Christina says from her door. I didn't even notice when she opened the door. Damn, Tobias, what the hell do you do to me? Shauna, Marlene, Rose, Christina and Uriah are looking at us with a dreamy look. I blush hardly and bury my head on Tobias' chest. Protecting me from the audience, he swings his arms through my waist and my shoulders. "Let's get the cake, now, yes?" he begins walking, tucking at my hand gently.

We all follow, walking quite rapidly. When we get to the Pit, Zeke screams: "The last one to get to the cafeteria is a pansycake!"

 

Little rats running mazes, having babies

It's a vicious little world that we live in

 

Tobias and I take off running immediately. I was always fast, because of how small I am, but with Tobias' long strides pulling me forward by our linked hands, this is the fastest I have ever ran.

And then the whole Pit races to the cafeteria. That's what I love about Dauntless. We are like a family, we accept all and each one of us with their own flaws. And that includes a race between two hundred people to get to the cafeteria.

 

Looking out, got a life on the other side

I realize that I didn't fit in

 

I never had any of that when I was in Abnegation. I didn't have the feeling of belonging there, because I just didn't. I wasn't – am not – selfless enough for them. I wanted to stay, because of my family. But couldn't. I wanted to stay for them, but as I said before, I'm not selfless enough to belong there.

 

Didn't hate it, but I didn't quite relate it

To my precious little world

 

I had to change, I had to be who I was – who I am – and that is Dauntless.

Here I feel like I belong.

When we get to the cafeteria, it's mostly empty, due to the hour. Everyone is either working or at the Pit usually at this time. Today, or they're working or they are coming – running - from the Pit to eat Dauntless chocolate cake. We get two whole chocolate cakes, ask the lady at the kitchen to wrap them and we climb the stairs that lead us to the train tracks. By the time we walk out the Cafeteria, the space is filled with people eating their cakes. They don't bother about how loud they talk and laugh or if they are polite. And I love that.

Our friends are already by the train tracks, waiting for us. They all have a piece of cake in hand. None of them got any whole cake; they knew Tobias and I would pass the trouble of getting it.

"How did you guys know we would get the cake?" I ask.

The undeniable horn of the train is heard and the light shines in the distance, but we still have a minute before running to catch it.

"We actually went to the cafeteria, but we got a piece of this chocolatey magnificence," Uriah sighs," and left. We knew the former Stiff would get the trouble to get the cake by herself," he explains while taking bites of his piece of cake. Zeke nods, agreeing, while eating his own piece.

"Actually, we got two cakes." Tobias smiles, a triumphant look on his face as I gesture to the package he's carrying.

 

So, long live the reckless and the brave

I don't think I wanna be saved

My song has not been sung

 

The train is closer now so everyone starts running. One by one we pull ourselves in and help the other get on the train. Tobias and I are the last. I run a little faster and hop on the train. I crouch by the door and reach my hands out for the cake.

Tobias would need at least one hand to climb on the train and we can't risk the cake falling to the ground. That set, he hands me the package and hops on the train.

 

And long live the fast times so come what may

I don't think I'll ever be saved

 

"Is the cake okay?!" Zeke demands. He flaps his arms up and down and his eyes are wide open.

"Yes, Zeke, we're all fine. Thanks for asking," Shauna says, cleaning her knees.

"You know I love and care about you, baby, but the cake was in danger. And it can't defend itself, unlike you, my love" Zeke snakes his hands through her waist. She leans closer and lightly kisses him.

"Yes, Zeke. The cake is fine," Tobias answers.

 

Our song has not been sung.

Long live us!

 

His hand meets mine and I intertwine our fingers, walking to the end of the train and sitting down. His back on the wooden wall and me on top of him, facing our friends. They all sit in a messed up circle around us. Uriah, Marlene and I place the cake and the alcohol in the center, passing a bottle of beer to each one of us. I deny mine and Tobias grabs a water bottle instead.

 

Breaking out of a town called Suburbia

I remember everybody always saying

 

Zeke sitting on our right, with Shauna by his side, resting her hand on his leg. Uriah and Marlene sit on their right, with their hands on the ground, intertwining their finger only. Lynn sits with her back propped in the wall. Rose lies flat on her back, her head resting on Lynn's leg. Christina and Will are on our left, her head resting on his shoulder, his arm resting on her shoulders.

 

"Little brat must be crazy

Never make it in our vicious little world"

 

Being here with them now, makes me compare memories from when I lived in Abnegation. I wasn't a perfect daughter and I would never be happy there, I would never be completely satisfied with their way of living. Here, on the other hand, I am absolutely happy with my life.

"So," Zeke claps his hands and runs them in each other, half-closes his eyes and has a devious grin on his lips, "Are you guys ready to play..." he looks around, "Dare?"

We all cheer and stomp our feet, the Dauntless way to demonstrate happiness.

Well, that and getting drunk.

 

Still I'm leaving

 

"Let's begin," Uriah claps his own hands together, making a loud noise.

"Uriah, my dear brother," Zeke begins, "I dare you to drink all your bottle in less than 60 seconds."

"Don't need 60 seconds to do that. Count down... now!" Uriah screams as he begins drinking.

"Sixty, fifty-nine, fifty-eight...

 

Got a van, got a chance, got my dignity,

Got a dream, got a spark, got somewhere to be,

 

"Twenty, nin-"

"Done!" Marlene screams as Uriah takes the bottle off his lips, smiling.

We all cheer as he kisses Marlene, his movements slightly slumped from the beer.

"Pansycake!" Uriah screams.

"Uriah!"

"Fine, fine..." he mumbles, shrinking back.

"I dare you to tell me: from one to ten, how am I in bed?" Zeke asks. I feel my cheeks getting hot and Tobias embraces me tighter. I still have problems with some Dauntless costumes, due to my Abnegation childhood.

"Depends on the day," she says and the group bursts out laughing at Zeke's face. He looks like a close friend died. "Last night, for example, it was an eight. But last week you were definitely a ten." She raises her eyebrows and smirks.

"Jesus, I could live without that sort of information about my brother," Uriah takes a sip from his bottle.

"Uriah, Candor o-" Shauna gets cut by Uriah

"Dauntless! I ain't no pansycake!"

"I dare you to get a bottle of that fizzy drink from the kitchen in the Erudite compound."

"Okay," he shrugs. We are still a few minutes away from the Erudite compound, so I get up from Tobias' lap and cut a piece of cake. A big one.

"You're sharing that with me, right?" Tobias asks, his eyes focused on the cake. "Only if you share that with me," I nod to his bottle.

"Deal."

I place a piece of the cake on his mouth and he leads the bottle to my lips, turning it so the fresh liquid can make its way down my throat.

 

Got a dream, got a spark, got somewhere to be

Take a breath, say goodbye to the precious little world

 

We get to Erudite and Uriah readies himself to jump. Him and Marlene are going to the kitchen and getting the fizz drink. They must do it before the train goes far from the noses.

Got a dream, got a spark, got somewhere to be

Take a breath, say goodbye to the precious little world

"Mar," Uriah calls, "Now, I dare you to tell me: from one to ten, how am I in bed?" Uriah smirks.

"As Shauna said, depends on the day," the group laughs again, this time louder to the alcohol. "Last week, you were a seven. But the day of our date was a ten."

"The Pedrad's rock!" Zeke says and claps his hands loudly with Uriah's.

"I distinctly remember Shauna and Marlene saying that some days you guys rock," Lynn smirks. Zeke shows her his middle finger.

"You're jealous, Lynn," Uriah moves his hand from right to left, snapping his fingers each time.

"Uriah, remember I don't like that."

Uriah blushes.

 

So, long live the reckless and the brave

I don't think I wanna be saved

My song has not been sung

 

"Okay, now... Tris. I dare you to take three shots of this amazing tequila I brought," Uriah gestures to a bottle in the middle of the circle.

"Can't do it," I say, smiling. Tobias' arms embrace my stomach tighter.

"Pansycake!" Uriah screams, pointing a finger to my face.

"Uriah!" We all hiss.

"Why, Tris?" Uriah pouts, placing his hand over his heart in a melodramatic acting.

"I thought I lost first place at initiation rankings for someone braver than that," Christina mumbles, crossing her arms and pouting like a child. Tobias places his mouth on my hair and I feel him smiling.

 

And long live the fast times so come what may

I don't think I'll ever be saved

Our song has not been sung

 

"Actually, I have a good reason, Uriah," I tell him. "Guys, I'm pregnant."

"Oh my God, Tris!" Christina gets up smiling, almost falling due to the high alcohol level in her system, stumbling towards me. I get up as well. "Congratulations, you two! Four," she points a finger to him, "you better treat her well. I might be drunk, but my promise is beyond that."

I laugh and slip my arms around her again.

"Yeah! My buddy Four is having a child!" Zeke beams.

Everyone gets up, hugging Tobias as and I. Warm hugs for me and slaps on the back for Tobias, from the boys. They all say how happy they are for us and congratulate us.

 

Long live us!

Long live us!

 

"Lynn, you're pretty shy today," I narrow my eyes at her. "I dare you to grab an apple from an Amity tree," I say as I look out and notice the orchards coming into view.

"Easy!" She takes a sip of her beer and jumps off the train. Lynn runs to a tree and starts climbing. She better make it quicker if she wants to get on the train again.

She disappears between the leaves.

 

Long live the reckless and the brave

I don't think I wanna be saved

My song has not been sung

 

Lynn comes back to the ground with a bunch of apples in her arms, running like crazy towards the moving train.

"C'mon, Lynn! Run! Faster!" We scream excited. Rose grabs her arms and helps Lynn. She gives one apple for each one of us.

 

Long live the reckless and the brave

I don't think I wanna be saved

My song has not been sung

 

I look around. Sitting with Tobias and all my slightly drunk friends eating Dauntless chocolate cake here in this moving train, illuminated by the setting sun. I realize I belong here with them. I belong here in Dauntless.

 

And long live the fast times so come what may

I don't think I'll ever be saved

I know our song has not been sung

 

The other factions see us as hellions, as reckless. And I am one of them. And I don't wanna be saved. And long live the Dauntless hellions, long live the reckless, long live the brave.

"Long live the reckless and the brave!" I yell, raising my plate of chocolate cake.

"Long live us!" my friends and boyfriend yell in response, raising their plates or bottles to the sky.

 

Long live us!

 

Yeah, long live us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes? No?


	6. Glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four has a nightmare and Tris conforts him.

POV FOUR

I'm a dark room. I can't see much and there's no sound.

I take a few steps, searching for something to happen, searching for something familiar. Suddenly a spotlight shines from above and I can a see a small figure a few meter ahead of me. It's a person. A women. Short and blond haired, her back facing me. I would recognize her anywhere anytime.

"Tris?" I begin walking towards her, soon turning my speed into a run.

"Tobias?" Her voice cracks, as her head shoots up and she quickly turns to face me. She's shaking, standing right under the flash of light, her blue-greyed eyes are wide with fear with swimmingly tears. She takes deep and quick breathes. The sight of my Tris feeling so weak and scared makes my heart skip a beat. I make my legs move faster. I must protect her, no matter what.

She's not afraid of the dark, so why is she scared? My eyes scan the run, they search around us, looking for anything that Tris could consider a threat. There's nothing other than darkness.

"Tris!" I get closer to her, only a few more steps now.

"Tobias!"

I hit something hard, almost falling backwards. Something transparent and flat, but extremely resistant, is right in front of me. I try to hit it, to go around it, but I can't. I can't get to Tris. It's a wall.

"Tobias, help me!" Tris pleads, looking over her shoulder. I look behind her. Now, a thin and tall man with short hair stands there. His clothes are grey and loose. Abnegation appearance. He's the man who hunted my nightmares for years, even after I transferred and freed myself from him. He slowly walks out from the dark, each step closer to the light, each step closer to Tris. Each step being one the wall won't let me take.

Marcus.

I look at Tris the same second as she looks at me. Her expression shows the most pure fear.

"Tobias, I'm doing this to help you." He blinks and his eyes are dark and empty cavities, his hand holds a rolled up belt. "I'm just helping you to be better." He enfolds the belt and smiles evilly.

"No! Tris! Marcus, stop!" I scream as I hit the glass with all of me. He's gonna hurt her, he's gonna hurt Tris. I can't let this happen.

He raises his arm and says the words he repeated during all my childhood, "This is for your own good."

"No!" I scream as he lower his arm and the belt hits Tris on her back. She shuts her eyes and a look of pain dominates her face. Tris screams in pain and falls onto her knees on the ground. Her arms cover her face as she waits for another hit.

This is my fault. He's doing this to her because of me.

"Don't. Do it on me, leave her alone! Let her go!" I beg. He wants to punish me, right?

"You never learned your lesson when I hit you. Maybe now you will," he raises his arm and hits Tris again. Her scream is even louder this time. She looks at me and I can see the hurt in her eyes. I can't save her and she knows that. We both know I broke my promise, I can't protect her. Her eyes show accusation, they are cold. And my eyes are locked on them.

I failed her.

I can only focus on the pain I see and on the sound of her screams. Tears wet her face, her arms embrace her own body. Her back soaked in her blood. She sits on the ground, her knees together. A position of fear.

I continually scream at Marcus, begging for him to stop, for him to hit me instead. Each lash is stronger and each scream that comes from Tris' mouth is louder. I keep trying to break the glass that holds me back; I pound and kick and hit it countless times, but it doesn't even flinch.

It seems to last hours, but eventually the glass and Marcus disappears. Tris faces the ground, breathing deeply but steadily. She is, just like myself, relieved that it is over. Both our faces are soaked in tears, both our bodies are shaking.

The glass wall disappears and I almost fall on the ground, but I start to run. I run to her.   
"Tris!" She looks at me and looks scared again. "No," she whispers. When I'm close enough to touch her, I stop, crouching beside her, and reach out to lightly place my hands on her face. She acts quickly, crawling away from me, gritting her teeth in pain from the movement. Her eyes scared, her body tensed, ready to move if necessary.

"Tris, it's okay. He's gone. He can't hurt you now. You're okay," I try and reason with her, sooth her. I know what it is like to be in her place now. I lost count of how many times I was left alone after Marcus' beating.

But I'm not leaving her alone.

She mutters something so low that I cannot hear properly, let alone comprehend.

"Tris?" I ask, my voice breaking.

"Stay away from me," she says, louder and firmer now. Her body begins shaking non-stop, "You... you..." She starts sobbing uncontrollably. Her eyes watch me, my movements, but they never find my eyes.

She's blaming me for what happened. I can't think differently from her, I'm blaming myself too. Marcus would never have touched her if it wasn't to affect me. If she didn't know me, if I didn't love her, she'd be safe. We both know that.

"Tris, I'm sorry. So, so sorry. It's my fault, I know. He would not have touched you if it wasn't for me. I'm so sorry. Let me help you," she shakes her head. "Let me help you, please." I beg. I see blurry and my hands shake. I place one of them on the ground and other on my leg. I can't let Tris see me panicking. I need to help her first and it won't help if the both of us are not on their right mind.

"Stay away from me. I don't want your help. Not after what you did." Her voice breaks twice. I reach out to stroke her face, but she cowers away. She embraces herself with her arms tightly, as if protecting herself from me. I let my arm fall to the ground.

"I'm sorry I didn't protect you. I'm sorry I didn't help. I wanted to stop him, I wanted to help you. I'm so, so sorry," tears begin forming in my eyes once again. "Please, please, let me help you."

"Not after what you did," her voices plays in my head again.

What?

A mirror appears by my side. In the first moment, I don't understand the reflection. I actually look behind me, searching for Marcus. But there's nothing there. And then I think about Tris' look at me, about what she said to me.

The full-length mirror reflects me I realize it is me, but my face is Marcus' face and my hand holds a blood-stained belt. The same black belt he taught so many lessons with, the same belt that he had just used on Tris. The only difference is that now it's not my blood that stains the leather; it's Tris' blood. I can't breathe properly anymore.

I became him.

**************************

Song: "Glass" by Ross Copperman (video here)

POV TRIS 

I wake with a start. I lift my head from Tobias chest and prop myself up with my elbow, half sitting up. My eyes searching the dark for what could have woken me up.

"No! Tris! Marcus, don't!" Tobias screams besides me. He trashes and turns once again, tears fall from his closed eyes. He is shaking, his face contorted in fear and pain. A nightmare.

Now I know what woke me up.

"Tobias!" I shake his shoulders, but he doesn't budge. "Tobias! Wake up!" I scream and shake him continually. I stand on my knees, desperate to get him out of whatever is in that nightmare, still pleading for him to leave the sleepy state. Tears fall from my eyes and my hands shake. I hate to see him like this. He is still screaming.

When he opens his eyes, they are wide, filled with fear.

"Oh, Tobias," I embrace him tightly, my head on the crook of his neck, trying to make him stop shaking. His arms snake around my back as his head rests on my shoulder. "It's okay, you're fine now. You're okay. I'm here, it's okay," I keep repeating to him, my lips near his ear. We stand like that, two unsteady bodies, for a few moments.

"I'm sorry, I woke you up," he says, his voice cracking. I can feel a spot my shirt – actually his shirt – becoming wet. I just embrace him harder.

I pull back and turn the lamp at his nightstand on. "I don't mind," I run my thumbs under his eyes, drying his tears. The old ones soon replaced by new ones.

Tobias sits up and moves so his back is propped up on the headboard. My legs still straddle his hips. His left hand holds my hands together as his right hand dries my own tears.

"Are you okay?" he asks, his voice scratchy from screaming. His eyes puffy and bloodshot. He looks so fragile and he is worried about me. "Yes," my own voice scratchy too. I guess we don't look so different right now. "That's all that matters," he lowers his mouth to mine, brushing my lips softly.

He pulls away and his beautiful dark blue eyes focus on mine. "I promise I'll never hurt you. I promise to protect you forever, Beatrice." His voice is low, steady. I've never seen him more serious before.

"Special occasions only, remember?" I smile, trying to lighten up his mood. He doesn't move though. "Where did this come from?" I gently touch his cheek with my palm.

"I dreamed about him," he begins, "He was hurting you, because he knew how important you are to me. He knew that hurting you is the worst thing that someone can do to me." His voice cracks twice, tears come to his eyes once again. "In the end, I became him. I was him. I hurt you. You crawled away from me, scared. I could see the fear in your eyes." My hands encircle his neck and I kiss him again.

I pull back and touch his forehead to mine, our eyes still closed. "I love you. And I trust you. You are not him. You are loving, caring, brave and kind. You're nothing like him. You are the one I love and no one can change that." His lips touch me again, lightly. I pull away first and move to get out of the bed.

I go to the bathroom and turn the sink on. I get a smaller towel and, after a few seconds, test the water. I wet the towel with the warm liquid and turn off the sink, returning to the room and to my previous position on Tobias' lap.

I wipe the reaming tears from his face with the wet towel, while his hands rest on my hips. His fingers drawing soothing circles on my lower back. "I love you," I tell him while I work. His eyes are filled with love admiration.

"I'm still afraid you'll leave me. Or that something will happen to you because of me. Or that something is simply going to happen to you. I don't know what I would do you that happened. But I would manage if it were the best for you." He says the last part quietly, tears once again falling from his closed eyes, the hurt ever so evident in his voice. I can feel the air escaping my lungs. "I'm afraid of what Marcus could do to you or what I could do. I only want to protect you, Tris, but who can guarantee that?" his voice sounds now defeated. I shake my head.

"Tobias, look at me." He does, our gazes focused on each other's, "I won't leave you. You're the best for me, never doubt that. You are not Marcus. I can guarantee that you are a completely different person from Marcus. One example is the love you show me. You're so kind and caring, always wanting the best for those who you love. You're the best person I know. I love you."

Although I have good memories of Abnegation, Tobias doesn't.

He looks at my face. I need to make him focus on something else from the dream. There must be something that I can make good, make it less threating. "We both endured hard times in our lives, but we have each other now. I would protect you, not cower myself in fear. You know I would stand against him. I've done it before. Remember that first night you kissed me?" I smile, "You know I can protect myself. You know I would stand against your father to protect you." I stroke his face gently.

"I remember that." His voice is deep. I get lost in his deep blue eyes.

He trembly nods, but I can still see the doubt in his eyes.

"Do you trust me?" I ask, looking into his eyes.

"With my life," he answers without hesitation. His voice is quiet, but stern. I know he means it. I say what I want before I loose he bravery to do it: "So lay on your stomach", I move and sit on mattress, so that he can move. I can feel my blood concentrating on my cheeks. Good thing he never sleeps with a shirt on. I suppress a smile.

He looks curious and raises his eyebrows and moves slowly. Firstly he places his palms on my cheek, his fingers tangling in my hair, pulling me close to him to sweetly kiss my cheeks. He backs away and does as I said.

I throw a leg to the other side of him and position myself on top of him. My cheeks blush even harder as I am now straddling his back.

I pull my long hair to the side and twist it into a loosen knot, keeping it away from my face. I don't need it bothering me right now.

I sit on his lower back. I still keep most of my weight on my knees, which are on the bed, careful not to hurt him. His face is turned to the side, his breathes steady but deep.

The light from the lamp is little, but enough for me to see the newly formed tears on his face. I lower myself slowly and kiss his cheek. I get the wet towel again and carefully clean his face. The warm towel makes the tears go away, his eyes close as I do my job.

I put the towel down again. I place my hands on his ribs.

I hear him gasp as I kiss one of the scars on his neck. "I love you," I say as I kiss another scar, one a little bit lower on his neck. I find another on his left shoulder and I kiss it. His skin warm under my lips. His back is all covered by Marcus' abuse. His amazing tattoo though covers all of them.

It's a little bit hard finding his scars when the black ink is covering them, but it gets easier as I go on. I search for more scars and end up finding more on his shoulders, his middle and lower back.

He's breathing heavily when I finish, certain that my lips touched all of his scars. I run my fingers from his neck to his lower back and whisper by his ear, "All of them made you who you are. And I love who you are, Tobias. No matter what, I will always love who you are."

He gasps. His hand reaches behind him and grabs mine. He tries to turn around from beneath me in the bed, but I stop him. "Not yet, I'm not done," I smile as I have an idea.

I reach for the nightstand and open the drawer. I get the cream Christina made me buy, something about keeping my legs hydrated. I didn't want to, but now I'm glad she made me buy it. Will is turning Christina into an Erudite and she doesn't even notice it. I guess not everyone has to be Divergent to have habits from other factions.

I warm my hands with friction and put some of the moisturizing cream on them. The sweet smell of lavender surrounds the room. I touch his shoulders first, rubbing circles with my hands. His shoulders melt under my touch. His arms embrace the pillow and he buries his head in it and sighs in pleasure. I grow more confident, biting my lower lip and applying a little more strength. I can't help but observe his strong muscles moving as he breathes. I'm mesmerized at his beauty, from inside and out.

How could he ever think badly about himself? I guess years of mental torture to think like that can do that to a person.

My hands go to his neck and rub all the way up to the beginning to his scalp. My hands work all the knots of the muscles in his shoulders and neck out. There's a lot of them here, from the stress and training and fights he's been through. After a few minutes, I move to his middle back. I rub up and down, circles and lines, steadily, with the same amount of pressure. I get rid of all the knots in his middle back.

"Tris." He sighs every now and then. And every single time I lower myself and kiss his cheek. His warm skin more covered in black ink than actually skin, his muscles actually getting less tight as I work on his back.

I shift on the bed, sitting lower on him, so I can actually massage where I was sitting. He groans softly. I run my hands from the top of his neck to his lower back, stopping there. I repeat the process I did to his middle back and shoulders, rubbing and getting rid of the knots in his muscles.

My hands go back to his shoulders, ending the massage the same way as I started. I get the towel and fold it backwards. I run it down his back, wiping the excess of the moisture.

I place the towel on the nightstand and get up again. I walk to the small fridge and get a bottle of water. When I turn around to return to the bed, Tobias is now sitting on the edge of the bed. "Drink this," I command softly as I hand him the bottle. "Christina says that you have to keep drinking lots of water after a massage, something about muscles and increased circulation. She spends too much time with Will, but she did list an infinity of reasons, and I only remember her saying that it can cause pain on your muscles if you don't keep yourself hydrated. And I don't want you to be in pain." His eyes demonstrate love and care. His lips curl in a little smile, "Thank you." And he drinks the water, rubbing circles on the back of my hand. My free hand caresses his hair.

When he finishes, he places the glass on the nightstand and we crawl into bed. He lays flat on his back and I place my head on his bare chest. He sets his hands on my waist and I place one of mine on his shoulder, sort of embracing him. He turns off the light.

"Tris?"

"Hum?"

"I love you so much," he whispers into my hair and plants a kiss there.

"I love you too," I kiss his chest. Then we both drift off into a dreamless sleep this time.


	7. Cheater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No-war. Four didn't train the initiates. It's the end of initiation in Dauntless and there are a few days of party.

SONG: "CHEATER" BY THE VAMPS

 

FOUR' POV

I'm on my way to the dining hall when I see Tris.

The blue dim lights in the Dauntless compound make it hard to see things, if not used to tit. But I am used to it. And I would recognize Tris anywhere.

Her piercing blue-greyed eyes are marked with simple dark make-up. Her soft lips are painted in a dark red tone. Her black clothes hug her small frame. Her long blond hair is tied in a messy ponytail on the top of her head, falling in wavy curls in her back.

Simply breath-taking.

"Tris!" I call while jogging to her.

She stops when she hears me.

"Four," she says when I get close to her.

 

Can we talk about your boyfriend?

 

"I need to talk to you."

"I actu-" she starts, but I cut her off. I need to tell her what I saw.

"It's important," I explain.

 

He's a dead end ha

 

She looks at me, maybe trying to figure out if I'm lying. She and Christina are friends after all.

"Okay." She nods. I motion for her to follow me and start walking. We go side by side to a desert hallway. I want to hold her hand, but I can't. If Eric caught us together like that, he would freak. I would actually like that, if I knew he'd come after me only. I don't care if he comes after me.

But I care if he goes after Tris. She's completely Dauntless now, but I want her safe.

We may not be together, but I care so much about her.

"It's about Eric," I start.

 

And if I gotta tell you why, it's only gonna make you cry

 

"Four, again? I really like Eric. Can't you just leave us be?" she crossed her arms and leans against the wall. She looks so Dauntless. I have to suppress a sigh of pleasure.

"You're not gonna like it." I say. She doesn't say anything, so I keep going. "I saw him with Lauren. In her room."

 

Let's talk about your boyfriend for a minute

 

"What?" she asks, confused. Her arms drop to her sides. "When?"

"Yesterday afternoon. I had a free shift, so I was at home. Zeke was there too, he can confirm it, if you want."

 

He's got a secret and he's telling you lies, oh what a lovely guy

 

"Eric said he had a meeting yesterday. With Max. He wasn't at Lauren's," Tris shakes her head. "No. Four, stop. I don't believe you." She crosses her arms again and starts walking away.

I hold her wrist. An electric shock goes from my hand to the rest of my body.

The things this woman can do to me.

But before I can enjoy her touch, Tris spins around and frees her hand from my grip. She punches my jaw.

I remember when she came to Dauntless. She fell from the top of that building and all I registered was a grey blur. I pulled her to the ground by her small, but warm, hand.

She was a short, thin, plain Stiff; unremarkable in all ways. Except that she had jumped first. The Stiff had jumped first.

I chuckle. Tris doesn't need me to protect her anymore. In fact, I don't think she ever needed.

I should have asked her out during her initiation. I'm such a pansycake. I waited too long and Eric asked her out. I should have talked to her more. I should have showed her who I really am. I should have kissed her.

I should have done something.

 

I just thought you should know what he is capable of

 

"You've gotten better since your initiation," I observe, holding my jaw with my hand. She is stronger; more confident, more sure of herself and of me. It reminds that there is no one like her.

Oh God, I should have asked her out.

 

Let me tell you 'bout your boyfriend, yeah he's got another girlfriend

 

"I just thought you should know what your beloved boyfriend is capable of. For example lying to you about where he was, what he was doing, who he was with," I tell her, my voice feels like poison. I'm talking rudely to her, so she will be angry, and not sad.

"There must be something wrong, Four. Eric wouldn't do that," Tris tries to argue, but she knows Eric would do something like that.

 

Baby, I just gotta let you know, you really gotta let him go

 

"Tris, you know Eric would do that," I say softly and she sighs. "Just leave him. You deserve someone better than him, and you know that."

"Someone like you?" she arches an eyebrow.

Don't be a jerk, Tobias.

 

Let me tell you 'bout your boyfriend, yeah he's got another girlfriend

 

"Someone who doesn't have two relationships at the same time, at least."

"And how do you know it was Eric? It could have been anyone with lots of tattoos and piercings. This is Dauntless, you know?" Tris tries to argue. Again.

 

And I can hear 'em through the bedroom wall

 

"Lauren is my neighbor, our apartments are side by side," I explain. "I saw them getting in when Zeke and I were getting to my apartment. Tris, I could heard them doing it through the bedroom wall." I see her cheeks blush.

Maybe she's not completely Dauntless. She is Divergent, after all.

 

You know she ain't no friend at all

 

"I know you think Lauren is your friend, but as you said, this is Dauntless, not Abnegation," I say softly. The point was to get her angry, I got that. But the last thing I need is her angry with me too. I want to help her.

 

'Cause everybody knows it and everybody knew before

 

"That doesn't prove anything. You and Zeke could have seen someone who looks like Eric, or something," Tris leans against the wall and slides to the floor.

 

But no one ever told you, girl, well, baby, that's what I'm here for

His dirty little secrets are banging on his bedroom floor

 

I sigh and sit by her side. "I asked Lauren this morning," I say quietly. "She said this has been going for a while now. Zeke said he saw Eric going to her apartment last week too. But as he saw on the security cameras, he wasn't sure. That's why he didn't tell you."

 

Oh he's a fricking cheater yeah, I dunno what you do it for

I just thought you should know what he is capable of

 

"Eric is a cheater, Tris. He doesn't deserve someone like you," I say looking into her grey eyes. She hasn't cried and I doubt she will. She's too strong to cry over people who don't deserve her.

Let me tell you 'bout your boyfriend, yeah he's got another girlfriend

Baby, I just gotta let you know, you really gotta let him go

"I need to get this clear."

And with that Tris stands and walks rapidly to the Pit. Where is she going?

I follow her. She may not be thinking clearly right now and if she needs help, I'll help.

She continues to the dining hall, stopping briefly at the door. Her eyes are searching. And when they find what Tris wanted, she takes off toward Zeke. When he notices Tris, he waves and smiles, letting the world see the chewed cake inside his mouth.

Hum, cake. I could really use some of that right now.

Focus, Tobias.

Tris grabs Zeke's hand and pulls him to an empty corridor.

When I reach them, Tris looks pissed and Zeke is confused, still holding the cake. He doesn't have a plate. He probably reached for the cake right before Tris pulled him too far from it.

"Good. Now that you're here," she looks from me to my friend, "Zeke, would you care to explain what you saw outside Four's apartment last night?"

Last night? I am certain I told her it was the afternoon and I know she wouldn't mistake that. Unless, this isn't an error. I told Tris Zeke would confirm the story. She's making him tell her and correct the little details.

I smile. This girl is awesome.

 

Let me tell you 'bout your boyfriend, yeah he's got another girlfriend  
And I can hear 'em through the bedroom wall, you know she ain't no friend at all

 

"Okay then," Zeke eats the last piece of cake, rubs his hands and clears his throat. "Yesterday afternoon," he got the catch she set for him, "Four and I got out of work early. Gus, our boss, said he didn't need so many people and let us go. We decided to go to his apartment. When we were almost there, I saw Lauren and another guy coming towards us, from the opposite direction. I didn't think much of it, because you know Lauren, she's always with a new boyfriend," he wiggles his eyebrows. "But then I noticed how many piercings and tattoos thee guy had and I took a better look. It was Eric, Tris. I even looked at Four to confirm, and when he looked at me with a shocked face, I had my answer," he explains softly. Zeke likes to tell the stories very detailed. "I think Eric saw us when he turned to close Lauren's door, almost as if he was intimate of her. And let me tell you, girl, Lauren screams loudly, if you know what I mean," Zeke wiggles his eyebrows. What a terrible time to joke. But I think the contrary when I see Tris' smile. "Four here wanted to fight Eric, because of you, you know?" he points at me.

I glare at him. He knows I how I feel about Tris, couldn't he keep his mouth shut?

"Also, last week... I was working the night shift in the Control Room and I saw Eric sneaking around the compound really late at night. I followed him with the cameras and figured to where he went. Tris, Eric went to Lauren's apartment. I didn't tell you because I wasn't seeing properly after two shifts. I should have told you, though. I'm sorry, Tris."

Tris stands there, frozen. She doesn't move, her breathing is automatic and her expression is blank.

"Thank you. The two of you. I really appreciate the fact that you told me," her voice is quiet.

I hate Eric. I knew this relationship was actually a relationshit. Tris is a special girl. She deserves more than a cheater. She deserves someone who treats her well, someone who values her.

"I'm sorry, Tris." Zeke places his hand on her shoulder, looking at her sympathetically. She quickly raises her head and looks at him.

"Ezekiel Pedrad, don't you dare pity me," she smiles. "You're a great friend, but I will never forgive you if do that."

Zeke removes his arm and she smiles at us. A small smile, but a genuine one. I know she's not faking. We both smile back at her.

"Eric is a jerk and I will end this relationship, but please don't treat me like I need help, like I'm not able to defend myself," she says softly.

That's the Tris I like. The brave, confident Tris. She knows who she is and what she can do, and I love that.

"I can take care of myself. But thank you for caring. Really. You're both great friends." Friends? My smile faded. "I gotta go." she hugs Zeke and me, and leaves. I wanted to keep my arms around her petite figure, but I couldn't; not when she sees me as a friend. I thought we were more than that.

Zeke looks at me, "By what I can tell, you need cake." My eyes are still glued on the path Tris went.

He waves in front of me, taking me out of my trance.

"Cake?"

"Cake."

We re-enter the dining hall, get our plates with cake and sit down at our usual table.

"So, you told her," he says. I nod. Isn't it obvious? "I thought you wouldn't. I thought you were going to kill Eric and then tell her," he laughs and I chuckle. "Someone didn't let me do it," I tease. "I thought that maybe she would like to kill him."

"I just thought of her, Four. If you fought Eric, that's okay. You won once. I was worried about Tris, she's like a sister to me and you know that. If Eric came after her because we told her about him and Lauren, I would kill him myself," Zeke narrows his eyes and points at the door that leads to the Dauntless leader's offices with his fork. Zeke protects his friends like they're his siblings, and he would do anything for his sibling.

The cake is as perfect as always, but I'm not in the mood.

"Four, what the hell is wrong with you? You're barely eating the cake."

"I don't know, Zeke," I stick my fork in the cake and take it out. Then again. And again. This goes on until Zeke grabs he plate and the fork and starts eating it himself.

"You were fine yesterday and this morning," he says, his mouth full of cake.

I extend my arms and grab my plate back. I may not be in the mood, but doesn't mean I won't eat it. "Don't touch the cake," I hiss. My precious Dauntless cake.

"Now that's the Four I know," he smiles and gets up from his seat.

Zeke comes with three more plates of cake. He pushes one toward me and starts eating the other two, at the same time.

"You seemed fine while talking to Tris. I'm guessing it was something she said. Like, oh, I don't know," he fakes a dumb, innocent face, "Calling you a friend?!" he screams.

"Yes. Yes, you're right. I didn't like that, okay?"

"Fine. I'm just worried about you, man," He pauses. "I thought you guys were more than friends, Four. You told me you kissed her. More than once. What happened?"

I sigh. I wish I knew.

"You know that I've liked her since the paintball game that happened during her initiation, and that, by the end of initiation, I had totally fallen for her. But I never told her. I never asked her out. I always acted like her instructor."

This time, Zeke sighs. "I know, you told me all that. What I don't understand is then why did she call you a friend?"

"I not certain, but I have a theory. This is complicated, so pay attention, okay?" I say, seriously.

"And you think I'm dumb?" he asks while putting more cake into his mouth. He glares at me when I don't answer him. I laugh.

"The thing is: sometimes, Tris and I get together. You know that, right?" he nods and I continue: "Tris and Eric started dating a few weeks after initiation. I stopped acting like her instructor the day she was ranked first, because I was planning on asking her out. I found Tris that day in the training room. We talked and, when she was leaving, I kissed her. Tris froze, told me about Eric and walked away. A week later you dragged me to Uriah's party. Tris was there too, without Eric. She told me he had a meeting and he wasn't coming. That time, she kissed me. After that, we met other times. But she never broke up with Eric. I never understood why she stared dating Eric," I sigh. I need to stop doing that. It's not like me – like Four – to sigh over problems.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"I thought Tris would go running to you when she heard about Eric," Zeke comments. "I thought you two would finally stop with that non-sense and start properly dating."

"I thought the same, until she called me a friend," I eat the cake.

"Welcome to the Friendzone, buddy," he laughs loudly.

I look into his eyes.

"I hate you, Zeke." My voice sounds quiet, slow.

"I love you too, Four."

"God, you two sound like an old married couple."

I know this voice. I would recognize it anywhere.

Tris.

Zeke and I greet her at the same time.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Hello," she smiles and looks at me. "Four, can I talk to you?"

Zeke winks at me as I stand and we begin walking towards the Pit.

"Don't worry, Four! I got our cake!" Zeke screams, smiling and with shinning eyes, while pulling the two other plates toward him and using both forks take cake to his mouth.

Tris and I laugh and then continue our way.

I observe her facial expression all the way. Her eyes aren't puffy nor red. They are stern, insistent. Beautiful.

Her cheeks are their natural red, nothing more. Her breathing is normal. She hasn't been crying.

I would be surprised if she cried over Eric cheating on her.

Her hands are shaking though. From what, I wonder. When I take a closer look, I notice her split knuckles. That wasn't there before. I taught her to black-tape her hands to train with the punching bag, so she wouldn't get hurt. She punched me today, but it wasn't strong enough to hurt her knuckles.

We walk half of the Pit and enter the same empty hallway we talked before. Once again, we sit on the ground.

"I'm sorry for hitting you earlier," she finally says.

I give her a small smile and say, "Don't worry about it. You were emotionally overloaded and this is Dauntless."

She laughs and I can't take my eyes off her. This is a beautiful sound. She blushes when she sees me staring. I clear my throat and focus on the wall in front of us.

"I talked to him," she sighs.

I look at her, waiting.

"He confirmed it all. Smiling. And I punched him. A lot. Max had to hold me down because I was about to kill him," she chuckles. I laugh.

"Congratulation, Tris. Eric deserved it."

"Yeah," she shrugs. She leans toward me. "So no more Eric."

I lean closer. "No more Eric."

I want to capture those soft lips with mine. I want to hold her as close to me as possible. I want her kissing me back with the same intensity and need I kiss her. And I want it to be official, not just a make out session. I want to be hers and her to be mine.

"I'm sorry I told you that way. I could have eased things up or something," I say quietly. My eyes memorize characteristics.

"You told me, that's what matters," her voice a whisper. But as close as we are, I hear her clearly. "And you know why?"

"Because that proves I'm a trust-worthy friend?" I whisper. That word will never feel the same to me.

She shakes her head, smirks and says, "Because now we can be more than friends."

I sigh and lean back, putting some safe space between us. "I thought we were, but I think I misunderstood that."

She leans back.

"Do you want to be more than friends?" she asks with innocent eyes.

I can tell she's faking, but my heart beats faster anyways. Ugh, the things that woman can make me feel.

"Tris, I thought it was obvious," I keep my voice steady. I don't need her to know I'm nervous to talk about this subject, that I'm nervous to be alone with her.

 

Maybe this ain't gonna be as bad as you thought

 

"You know, maybe this whole thing with Eric wasn't as bad as you thought," I grin.

"How so?" she asks, her curiosity making me wonder once again if she has aptitude for Erudite. She's Divergent, I know, but I don't know for which factions.

 

Maybe we don't have to sneak around anymore, no  
Maybe when you leave, you'll end up with me after all

 

"Now we don't have to sneak around anymore."

Unless of course she wants me to be her friend. I suppress a sigh.

I can be your boyfriend and you can be my world

"I can be your boyfriend," I say in a sudden moment of courage.

 

Let me tell you 'bout your boyfriend, yeah he's got another girlfriend  
Baby, I just gotta let you know, you really gotta let him go

 

"Oh?"

"Now that you and Eric are done, I mean."

 

Let me tell you 'bout your boyfriend, yeah he's got another girlfriend

And I can hear 'em through the bedroom wall, you know she ain't no friend at all

 

"Now that I confirmed Eric's a cheater and Lauren's a bitch, thanks to you," she leans her head on my shoulder. She never did that.

 

Maybe this ain't gonna be as bad as you thought  
Maybe we don't have to sneak around anymore no

 

"Maybe I'll end up with you, after all. Maybe this was actually a good thing," her voice is barely a whisper. She raises her head, her lips are curled in a small smile, and leans closer to me.

 

Maybe when you leave, you'll end up with me after all  
Oh yeah and I can be your boyfriend

 

"Then maybe I can be your boyfriend."

"And I can be your girlfriend."

And I close the space between us. Her hands go to my chest, while one of mine goes to her waist and one entangles in the tied hair in her neck. Her lips are soft and her skin is smooth.

It hasn't been more than five days since I kissed her, but I still missed her touch.

When we depart, I ask:

"Are you busy tonight?"


	8. Promise

Andrew Prior worked with Marcus Eaton. Natalie and Evelyn worked together, until the second said passed away during birth. Andrew and Natalie had two kids, Caleb and Beatrice, respectably five and four years old. Caleb was eleven months older than his sister. Marcus and Evelyn had a son, Tobias, who was six years old.

The parents thought it would be nice if their sons, Caleb Prior and Tobias Eaton, were friends. Tobias had just lost his mother, so he was going through a tough phase. Only the Eaton's knew though that Tobias would constantly get beaten by his father. The parents thought the friendship might help both of the boys.

On Beatrice's birthday, Marcus and Tobias came. It wasn't a celebration, because that was self-indulgent. The six of them just sat on the table, eating standard Abnegation-prepared food. After lunch, the adults moved the conversation to the living room, while Tobias and Caleb sat to play.

There was only one problem: Caleb never wanted to play with Tobias and vice-versa. In fact, Tobias wanted to play with little Beatrice. She seemed quite calm while sitting on the stairs, holding a cotton doll. But he knew she had an internal fire, a hidden desire to not be calm.

That's why, when Caleb fell asleep on the ground, supported by the back of the couch, Tobias walked towards Beatrice. From that day on, they were inseparable.

*******************************

Two years later, Beatrice Prior sat on the ground, side by side with her best friend, Tobias Eaton.

"Bea, will you marry me?" Tobias held her Beatrice's hand.

"Yes, Toby." She smiled.

"Then I promise to love you forever." And he felt his own lips curling into a huge smile.

*******************************

Tobias had his back against a tree, while Beatrice was laying on the soft, green grass, with her head on his lap. He ran his fingers through her hair slowly, his free hand intertwined with hers. The only sound they could hear was the leaves against the wind in that afternoon. The sun was partly covered by the clouds and the leaves of the near trees, making only some points of sunlight touch Tobias and Tris. Not a single soul was near them in that moment, they were completely alone. Their eyes roamed over each other, memorizing each and every single characteristics.

Tomorrow was his Choosing Ceremony, they were enjoining their last minutes together. After all, they would be apart for two years.

"Bea, you know I will transfer tomorrow," Tobias whispers, afraid to break the comfortable silence.

"Don't remind me, Toby," she moves to sit on his lap, something a 14-year-old Abnegation girl shouldn't be doing. None of them care though. They had been secretly dating since he was 15 and she was 13. Beatrice threw her legs to his side and laid her head on his broad shoulder, hiding her face on the crook of his neck, her hands around his waist. He rest one hand on her legs and rubbed the girl's back with his other hand.

"I don't want to be without you. Actually, I don't think I can," he whispered the last part, closing his eyes.

"You have to leave. Two years is nothing," Beatrice said, trying to believe her own words. She knew those would be hard years for the both of them.

"I can't go to Dauntless. They believe in bravery and I'd join them to run away from my father," Tobias argued. He opened his eyes and stared at his girlfriend, to prove he was serious.

"Why does Marcus beat you, Tobias?" she asked, harshly.

Tobias didn't know why she asked that. She knew the answer. And he felt like a knife went through his chest, making it difficult for him to breathe.

"You know-"

"I know the answer. But tell me, please." Her voice was softer this time. She had a confuse logic in her hand, and, in order to explain, she needed him to concentrate.

"Marcus beats me when I do something wrong. It's a punishment," he sighs, closing his eyes. Recent memories flooded his mind and he shivered.

She hated the sight. She wanted – no, needed – to make him feel better.

"Exactly. You are the best person I know, Tobias, and I can't let you suffer because of me. I can't be reason you stay. I'm not worth it," her voice became unsteady and she began to shake. Her hands clanged to his grey clothes to keep him close and she buried her head on his chest. All she needed was him, and vice-versa.

"You are worth it. You are worth it to me," Tobias whispered and kissed Tris' hair.

She took a deep breath. "I need you to understand something, Toby," she raised her head and looked him straight in the eyes. "As you said, the Dauntless value bravery. Marcus doesn't want you to transfer, right?" she waited for him to nod to continue, "If you go to Dauntless, you will disobey his most absolute law. You'll be free from him. If you transfer, you'll perform the greatest act of bravery I have ever seen. You'll prove you belong there," she softly caressed his cheek.

His eyes welled up and a smile began to form on his lips.

"And when you do that, initiation shouldn't be hard to someone so brave," she kissed his chest, blushing. Tobias closed his eyes and sighed. "So courageous," a kiss to his neck, "So selfless," his jaw, "So intelligent," his ear lobe, "So kind," his cheek, lingering there for an extra moment, "So true," his forehead, " So perfect."

Then, finally, she kissed his lips.

It was slow, calm, reassuring. They were pronouncing their love for each other to the wind, to themselves, to each other, promising to never let that love die.

They departed only half and inch and touched their foreheads. Both of his eyes were still closed, they were heaving, sharing the air that concentrated between them.

"I'll miss you so much," he confessed.

"It will all be worth it. You said I'm worth it, remember?" she felt tears in her eyes once again. She laid her head on his chest, her tears wetting his shirt. "It sounds so long."

His embrace tightened around her, placing a kiss to the side of her head.

"We are two years apart. Yes, that whopping two-year gap really is insurmountable, isn't it?" he laughed. Beatrice rolled her eyes and enjoys the grave sound that is her boyfriend laughing.

"I'll miss you, too." She said.

It was his time wanting – no, needing – to make her feel better. He placed his hand on her cheek and pulled her face gently towards his. "I love you, Beatrice," and then he smashed his lips on hers.

He pulled away a few minutes later, resting his forehead on hers. They were both breathing heavily.

"Promise me to marry me when we meet again in Dauntless?" he entreated, still out of breath.

"Aren't we a little too young to get engaged?" she laughed shortly, still catching her breath.

"Age doesn't matter in Dauntless," he smirked against her mouth. And, somehow, she knew he had done that. "Plus, if we are going to keep our promises and get married, we have to start somewhere."

She laughed and pulled apart. They locked their eyes in each other's. "Right. I will marry you whenever you want, if," she pointed her index finger at him, "You promise to keep your part of the deal."

He smiled broadly.

Tobias placed one arm behind her knees and the other in her back, lifting her and settling her on the grass. He went down in one knee. He grabbed her small hand gently with his calloused ones.

"Beatrice Prior, I promise to love you forever. Not someone nor death shall destroy this love. Will you marry me, once we are settled in our next faction?"

A small tear falls from her eyes down her cheek. He caught it with his lips.

"Yes," she choked. "I will marry you." And their lips collided again.

******************************

Tobias, who was dressed in a black button up had his attention half on Zeke's words and half on Tris. Zeke was marrying Tobias and Tris, acting like a child on Christmas. Sweat collected in Tobias' warm, calloused hands.

His fiancé was looking stunning in her short, black, off shoulder, skater dress. Her blond hair was falling freely in loose curls around her head. Her mesmerizing, insistent eyes were painted with light black make up. Her soft lips were painted a pinkish gloss. And the raven necklace he got her during her first night at the new compound hanged around her neck. Her small, pale hands held the black roses, trembling slightly.

Their eyes scammed each other, memorizing every single detail about them. But when their gazes met, the rest of the world disappeared.

He couldn't stop looking to her eyes, stunned by her beauty.

She couldn't stop looking to his eyes, drowning in their warm sea.

"I present you: Four and Six!" Zeke announced, beaming. The roar of the Chasm loud, but Zeke spoke louder. It was Dauntless, after all. "You may now kiss the bride."

Tobias and Tris leaned at the very end of those words. Their lips touched lightly at first, their hands and fingers interlaced between them. Soon though, Tobias' hands moved to her waist, pulling his wife closer. And Tris' hands moved to his neck, pulling her husband closer.

"You may continue kissing the bride!" Zeke and the crowed laughed, but nor Tobias or Tris heard him. Or the crowed.

When they departed, they turned to the crowed of friends and family, all clothed in black.

"I kept my promise," Tris whispered in her husband's ear.

He smiled, "Now I will keep mine and love you forever."

"Sounds good to me," she smiled, "'Cause I'll do the same."

One more kiss before they go talk to their friends and family, all clothed in black as well.


	9. Perfectly Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tris has some self-love issues and Four helps her forget about them.

SONG: "PERFECTLY PERFECT" BY SIMPLE PLAN

 

"Hey, Four," Tori greets me as I enter the Tattoo Parlor. She is sitting at her station, one knee bent so she can place her sketchbook on it. Her hands and eyes never leave her drawing.

"Hey," I answer, my eyes scanning the place.

 

You might not think you're a supermodel

But you look like one to me

 

"She went to the back to get more needles. She will be right back," Tori knows exactly what I'm looking for. As she finishes her sentence, a door in the back opens and Tris comes with a package. She smiles when she sees me and I can't help my own lips curling.

 

I'd rather have your picture on my phone than on the cover of a magazine

 

Tris' tight jeans and tight tank top define her silhouette very well, the black in both contrasting with her pale skin. Her blond hair falls in waves from her head to her waist. Her beautiful blue-greyed eyes pop naturally, but is applies black make up, I can't stop looking. They shine when she looks at me and I know mine own eyes shine when I look at her too. Her smile is gentle, happy.

 

It's hard to think that a girl like you

Could have any insecurities

 

I take long strides toward her as she comes walking normally to me. When I reach arm's length to her, I embrace her tiny waist and kiss her forehead.

"Hey," I say.

"Hey," she says as her arms snake around my neck.

My fingers brush a strand of hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear, resting lastly on her neck. Her hands fall to my chest.

"Max wants to talk to us. About the fights and the matches we set. He wants to make sure we didn't act like Eric," I tell her.

"Okay," she nods and looks behind my shoulder, "Tori, can you hold on till I get back?"

Tori looks around the tattoo parlor with a serious expression. "I think I can manage," she smiles, winks at us. Tori goes back to her drawing while Tris and I move to the door.

"Bye," Tris and I say at the same time.

"See you later!" Again, Tori's eyes and hands never leave her drawing.

 

It's funny how all the things you would change are all things that are cute to me

And I know you don't believe me

 

My fingers lace hers as we walk to the Pit. I look at her in time to see Tris' cheeks blush.

"Hey, Four," Jasmine and Amelia, two initiates, say as they walk past us, blinking too many times. Their eyes skim Tris up and down, "Six." They both have long dark hair and dark eyes. Two Candor smart-mouths.

Tris glares at them. "Amelia, Jasmine." She doesn't like them and, to be honest, neither do I.

"You're not going to say "hi" to us, Four?" Amelia asks, not even bothering to look at Tris.

"Not really." I say harshly, quietly. I know I talk differently to the initiates, but Tris takes it to another level. She says this is my instructor voice. I find it quite funny.

We just continue walking.

 

And you think that I'm a fool

But I don't care

 

"I can't believe they are together," I hear one of the girls say.

Earlier today, the initiates discovered our relationship. So I guess it's normal they are surprised.

"I know, right? She's a child. Why is he even with her?"

 

Maybe

You'll never see in you what I see

The little things you do that make me go crazy

 

That was not the reason I thought they would be surprised. We never showed affection towards each other and never showed we cared about them. Then they found out that their instructors are dating.

I look at Tris and see that she has her jaw tense and her lips clenched.

She heard them too.

"I don't know," I hear them sigh, "But now we know how she got first in her initiation class."

Before I can turn and say they are wrong, Tris lets go of my hand and walks to them. Her steps are certain and she holds her head high, but the punch she displays in Amelia's face is on f the most certain things I ever saw in my life. Amelia falls to the ground, holding her jaw.

Jasmine doesn't have time to run before Tris punches her as well, sending the initiate to the ground as well.

Tris stands in front of them, her shoulders wide and her muscles tense.

 

I'm not crazy

You're perfectly perfect

 

That's my girl.

"Listen to me: I owned my rank in initiation. I worked hard, something you two should try, instead of flirting with your instructor in hopes of a better rank."

And just like that, she walks away.

"Tris," I say as I jog after her, leaving the two initiates laying on the ground. "Tris."

She doesn't stop walking, but she slows down.

 

You brush it off every time I tell you

Your smile lights up the room

 

I grab her hand and lead her back to our apartment. I fish my pocket for the key and unlock the door, holding it open for her. She enters and I follow right behind her, kicking the door shut.

"C'mere" I say while wrapping my arms around her small frame. I rub her back carefully, my other hand holds her head in my chest. She's not tall enough to reach my shoulders.

 

And I'm guessing that you don't even notice

The whole world notices you

 

"You know the truth. You know you did it. You know you ranked first because you're a Dauntless prodigy." I say, almost sternly. Her thin arms snake around my waist, curling her fingers in my belt loops.

"I know," she sighs. "But you pushed me more. You made me better."

 

You think you're clumsy, I think you're cool

You say you're typical, but I think you rule

 

"You still did it on your own. I told you to use your elbows and knees to fight better, yes. But I also told Myra that. And I told Will to be agile," I bury my face in her hair, inhaling the scent of the shampoo. Something sweet, probably a fruit. "You fought Myra on your own, and you won. You fought Molly on your own, and you won. You hold the record time in a fear simulation. And let me remind you, it was the first fear simulation you had in your life."

She doesn't speak, so I continue.

 

Sometimes I wonder if you'll ever believe

That I wrote this song for you

 

"Because of you, we won the paintball game. You found their flag. You have the second lowest number of fears in the history of Dauntless. You are a Dauntless prodigy. And I love you."

 

Maybe you'll never see in you what I see

The little things you do that make me go crazy

 

She sniffs. I pull away and notice the tears that run down her face.

Crap. What did I say? I feel my eyebrows furrowing as I think why she's crying. I replay what I said, trying to find something that would be a sore subject for her, but I can't find one. I was careful to leave her fight with Peter and the fight between Will and Al out. Peter's never a good memory. Al was her untrustworthy friend, who won the fight against Will.

I run my thumbs over her cheeks, getting rid of the salty water. But those are soon replaced by fresh ones.

"Tris, I'm-"

"That was beautiful," she chokes.

I laugh and hug her again. "It was all true."

 

I'm not crazy

You're perfectly perfect

 

Tris pulls away for a second, only enough for our eyes to connect to each other. She curls one hand on the back of my neck and pulls my lips to hers.

Her arms go around my neck. She's standing on her tiptoes, but I still need to bend down in order to kiss her. So I lift her up, and she wraps her legs around my torso.

I walk to the kitchen and place her on top of the counter.

"What about," she tries to say, but I'm too busy kissing her. I feel her lips turn into a smile and I can't contain my on lips from curling.

I give her one more peck and pull away.

"What about," she tries again, catching her breath.

"You are out of shape, initiate," I joke.

"Really?" she cocks an eyebrow, "Because I can hear you panting, too."

"I think we should train more, then. We can help each other, you know. Training in group is usually more active," I smirk and she chuckles.

"You just want an excuse to spend more time with me," she playfully hits my arm.

"Maybe I do," I lean to kiss her again, but she places her forefinger on my lips.

Her expression suddenly becomes serious.

"What about the other things they said?"

"Who said?" she doesn't look at me. "The initiates?"

She nods.

 

Someday, you're gonna see you're beautiful this way

And that you're always gonna make me go crazy

 

My hands touch her jaw, my fingertips on her neck and cheeks. I gently lead her head up and stare at those beautiful blue-grey eyes.

 

I'm not crazy

You're perfectly perfect to me

 

"Tris, you are beautiful. Don't listen to them, not even for a second."

"I am short, and I look like a child," she sighs. "And you are a God," I barely hear her whisper.

Her small hand runs down my chest.

 

You don't have to try and

Change a single thing

 

"And there are so many other girls in Dauntless. Other, prettier. Maybe that's your Abnegation side taking over, making you content yourself with little."

I shake my head frantically.

 

'Cause just the way you are is sweeter than anything

Maybe I'm a fool but it's always been you

'Cause no one ever makes me smile the way you do

 

"I don't care for any of that. That theory is absurd. You are strong, Dauntless. You have those mesmerizing, insistent, stern eyes. I constantly get lost in them. You're brave, selfless and intelligent. You also have your moments of kindness and you're true to me. I trust you. Other girls? Other girls aren't you. And I love you, Tris. It's always been you. You make me feel like never before, a good feeling." My words come quickly.

 

Maybe

You'll never see in you what I see

The little things you do that make me go crazy

 

I can't stop, I can't let her think she's less than others. She's better than others, by far.

 

I'm not crazy

You're perfectly perfect

 

She is beautiful, inside and out, and she should know. I need her to see it.

You're perfectly perfect to me

"You're perfect." I touch my forehead to mine.

She chuckles. "No, that's not true. I'm average."

"Fine, then," I sigh. But then I smile at her, "You're perfectly perfect to me."

She smiles and I lost track of time.

"We need to go see Max," she says. I completely forgot about him.

"And later we can get some food. It's almost dinner time, after all."

"Sounds good to me."

She doesn't truly need assistance, but I grab her waist and help her down the counter anyway.

We exit the apartment and head to dinner.

I grab her hand in mine and lace our finger. My Tris blushes and smiles, more sure of herself, and of me. Of us.

I smile back at her.

And with that smile on her face and that's all that matters to me.


	10. We R Who We R

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little Dauntless party after a FourTris moment.

Song: "We R Who We R" by Ke$ha.

 

Tris and Tobias sit by the doors of the moving train. Their legs dangle outside the wagon, while she lays her head on his shoulder, his arm surrounding her thin waist. They are watching the way the colors of the setting sun touch the city, in silence. A comfortable one. The mix of red, yellow, orange and white was never prettier.

Tobias had just proposed, after three long months of asking her father's blessing, searching for the right ring, preparing to pop the question, and thinking about the right place and the right time.

He could have done it at the Pit, at the Chasm, at the training room, at the net, anywhere. Tobias chose to propose at the Ferris wheel though. That place holds some of their first memories together.

So, after a peaceful, late, lunch at the soft grass underneath the old structure, Tobias bent down on one knee and asked her.

Tris didn't have a doubt. She has been a member of Dauntless for the last four years now. She loved Tobias since the beginning and he loved her the equally.

She choked a "yes" and his smile was the biggest of his life. Tobias placed the ring Shauna and Zeke helped him choose on her finger, relieved it was the right size.

And by the look on her face, it was the right ring. Black band and a grey stone in the middle. It's not small, but also doesn't go in the way of things. Simple and beautiful, just like her.

Tobias stood up. Tris held her arms open and folded him into a hug. His arms were fast to surround her waist, so were his lips to capture hers.

They kissed passionately. His hands brought her closer, holding her there. And her arms didn't let go, holding him nearby his neck.

 

Hot and dangerous

 

The fields in Amity seem infinite with the low light, making it a quite a view for the couple. They look at each other and not a word needs to be said before they get up at the same time and jump, landing perfectly in the soft soil.

Their fingers lace while they walk to the apple trees. Tobias reaches for a couple of them, they sit, propping themselves against the tree and eating the sweet fruit. They watch the rest of the sunset eating the rest of the cake, kissing and talking non-sense in their black, thigh, Dauntless clothes.

Less than thirty minutes later, they are waiting by the tracks for the next train. The unique horn becomes audible.

 

If you're one of us, then roll with us

 

"Beatrice!"

Nor Tris or Tobias recognize the voice, so they turn to see a man in red shirt and brown pants running towards them.

Tris knows his name as soon as she looks at his face: Robert Black. His hair falls in his eyes and he brushes it away with his hand. His eyes light up when he sees recognition in Tris' eyes.

"Robert, hi!" she smiles.

There is nothing to be said. They haven't seen each other since their encounter during initiation, years ago.

The last time she saw him, he said she should go back to Abnegation. That she wasn't cut out for Dauntless.

Not only she was good enough for Dauntless, she ranked first in her initiation class.

 

'Cause we make the hipsters fall in love

 

Though Tris doesn't know what to say or do,, Robert is Amity. And those are hugging type.

"It is so good to see you, Beatrice," Robert gives Tris a bear hug. She's uncomfortable with the physical contact.

She hugs him back lightly and briefly before wiggling out of it. He doesn't care, though.

"It's actually just Tris now, Robert."

"Oh, okay. Indeed, it suits you better," Robert chuckles.

The most uncomfortable one with the whole situation is Tobias. He doesn't know the guy who's hugging his fiancée. He knows that same guy already flirted with Tris during her initiation, and, not only that, he told her to try and go back to her parents, to Abnegation. He doesn't like this whole situation.

Tris notices that.

"Robert, this is Four, my fiancée," she points at Tobias, smiling. Tobias enlaces her fingers with his. "Four, this is Robert, an old friend from Abnegation."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Four," Robert tries to hug Tobias, who steeps back and holds Robert's shoulder.

"Same." Tobias's voice is low, dry. Scary. Tris suppresses a smile.

Tobias notices that.

 

When we got hot pants on and up

 

"Wow, so you made it, after all," Robert smiles, gesturing to her black clothes. Tobias can feel his hand's tendons becoming low on blood, due to the strength in which he has his fists.

"Yeah, I guess."

"She actually got ranked first," Tobias grins, running his fingertips up and down her arm, his way of showing how proud he is of her. She smiles at the contact.

The train is closer now.

"Oh, wow, Beatrice, that is amazing!" Robert goes for another hug, but Tris steps back.

"Thanks. I'm sorry, Robert, but we have to go now," she points to the train.

"Oh. Okay," Robert says, still smiling. The only explanation is too much Amity bread in his system.

Tris and Tobias run to match the train's velocity. She waves back at Robert. "Bye, Robert!"

"Bye, Tris and Four! It was so nice seeing you!"

Ugh, Amity.

Tris furrows her eyebrows when she hears the blasting music coming from the train as well as the colorful lights.

They exchange looks of confusions before running faster and jumping on the train with ease.

 

And yes of course we does

 

The music is even louder now. The lights move along the people, dancing to the beat of the music.

 

We're running this town just like a club

 

"What is that?" Tris asks to no one in particular.

"That's the Pedrad brothers when they get bored," Tobias answers, a smile playing on his lips.

 

And no, you don't wanna mess with us

 

Tris herself has a gigantic smile on her face. That's exactly the reason she picked Dauntless. So she could do anything she wanted whenever she wanted however she wanted.

 

Got Jesus on my necklace 

 

A party in the train is the perfect example of freedom, of Dauntless.

 

Got that glitter on my eyes

 

The lights make her sparkly make up shine and Tobias can't take his eyes off of Tris' beautiful blue-greyed eyes. Tobias traces soothing circles on the back of her hand, running his finger over her new ring, which also shines when the finds light.

Christina had exactly that objective when she made her friend's make up earlier.

 

Stockings ripped all up the side

 

Tris' clothes were also picked by her friend: an off-shoulder blouse that shows her tattoos, skater skirt and ripped stockings, all black. Christina insisted on heels, but, stubborn as she was, Tris stuck with her boots. Christina knew it was a lost cause, so now Tris stands with her black, four-inch heels combat boots, tied up securely around her ankles.

 

Looking sick and sexy-fied

 

At Tris' eyes, her small frame looked sexy tonight.

For Tobias' eyes, she was always sexy. Tonight, her beauty was just more evident.

An image of Tris dressed as a bride was printed on his mind, not to fade forever. A dark dress and light make-up, since she's naturally pretty and they live in Dauntless.

 

So let's go (let's go!)

 

 

Tris grabs Tobias' hand and pulls him along. People dance animatedly around them. Surprisingly, no flying limbs hit the couple.

 

Tonight we're going hard

 

Tris turns suddenly toward Tobias. She stands on her tiptoes. "Tonight, we are going hard," she whispers in his ear.

Tobias goes numb.

 

Just like the world is ours

We're tearin' it apart part-par-pa-pa-pa-part

 

His mouth hangs open as Tris caresses his cheek and turns around, walking toward the bar. Uriah and Lynn are bartenders. Tobias doesn't move.

 

You know we're superstars 

We are who we are!

 

The train is noticeable by far. The entire city can hear the blasting music and see the colorful lights as the train full of Dauntless members travels around the city.

 

We're dancing like we're dumb 

 

A couple meters from Uriah's right, Zeke is the DJ, with an improvised table and cd's.

 

Our bodies goin numb

 

Marlene and Shauna right in between them, holding plastic cups with some alcoholic drink, dancing without a care in the world.

 

We'll be forever young

 

Christina and Will are by the also improvised bar, asking for drinks. 

 

You know we're superstars

 

When Christina sees Tris, she squeals. She's not drunk – yet -, this is just her normal self. Tris laughs while she walks to her friends. She reaches the bar and Lynn hands her a drink. "Thanks," Tris smiles. Lynn gives her a thumbs up, taking a big gulp of her own drink.

 

We are who we are!

 

She discreetly peeks over her shoulder to observe Tobias.

He still has his eyes glued on his fiancée, his mouth hanging open. He stands tall and certain, but he can't feel a single muscle in his body. Tris throws her head back and laughs loudly. Christina notices Tobias' face and laughs too, holding herself onto the wood of the made-up bar.

 

DJ, turn it up

It's about damn time to live it up

 

"Louder, Zeke! I can still hear myself think!" Shauna yells.

 

I'm so sick of being so serious

 

Zeke laughs, slightly drunk, before voluming up the hectic music.

 

It's making my brain delirious!

 

Tobias recovers from his torpor when he sees other men and women looking at Tris. He is a jealous man and Tris loves that. Actually, it was one of the reasons she was swaying her hips while walking a few moments ago.

He walks to their friends, greeting everyone.

Uriah promptly fills his hand with a drink.

 

I'm just talkin' truth

I'm telling you 'bout the shit we do

 

"I thought the Dauntless would have permission to grab any drink at any time," Christina says. She bounces her head to beat of the music, both of here hands hold the plastic cup.

"Beers and such are in baskets, as well as the speakers that Zeke and I placed around all the cars of the train," Uriah smiles and gestures to some baskets full of ice and drinks. "We're just here to make special drinks."

 

We're sellin' our clothes, sleepin' in cars

 

A couple of people are lying on the wooden ground of the train, passed out from drinking or something like that. They'll be fine soon, though, so no one panics.

 

Dressin' it down, hittin' on dudes (Hard!)

 

 

Tris sways towards Tobias, laughing internally of his facial expression.

"I happen to think you look great in black. Did you know that?"

 

Got that glitter on my eyes

Stockings ripped all up the side

 

The glittered make up plus the tight, dark, clothes lock his eyes in her beauty. He can barely think, barely breath.

And she knows – and likes - that.

 

Looking sick and sexified

So let's go

 

Tobias' arms snake around Tris' waist, gently pulling her closely to him.

"You look amazing, Tris," his whisper sounds loud near Tris's ear, the hair in her neck bristle. She can barely think, barely breath.

And he knows – and likes – that.

 

Tonight we're going hard

 

Tobias remembers about Tris' promise and he wonders what she meant. It was just probably about drinks. But she has other thoughts in mind.

She is just waiting for them to be back to their apartment.

 

Just like the world is ours

 

Because now's time to party like a Dauntless.

And that's the reason Tobias and Tris lead the cup in hands to their mouths without second thoughts.

 

We're tearin' it apart part-pa-pa-pa-part

 

The alcohol brings a burning sensation to their tongues and throats. The whole content from the cups gone before a breath is needed. They are already used to this, after living a few years in Dauntless.

 

You know we're superstars

 

Tris and Tobias don't need words to express their thoughts. They have a perfect synchronization, a unique harmony. No one understands what they do, but not a soul can deny it: they definitely were made for each other.

 

We are who we are!

 

It is late and the other factions and the factionless are asleep, until the train comes. Music and lights manage to wake anyone up, especially when loud, drunk, Dauntless are dancing and singing. The citizens huff or shake their heads or curse at the Dauntless, calling them hellions.

The Dauntless couldn't care less about the other factions. They are drinking and dancing among friends and strangers, among their own faction, among their own family. They are having fun.

They are brave. They are reckless.

They are free.

 

We're dancing like we're dumb

Our bodies goin' numb

 

After a few alcoholic drinks, Tris and Christina dance as wildly as Shauna and Marlene.

 

We'll be forever young

 

After a while, Uriah and Lynn decided that preparing drinks wasn't enough. So, they soon quit that and grab bottles of beer.

Lynn dances with the girls, while Uriah and Will have a drinking contest (something Uriah was hoping for since the beginning of the day).

 

You know we're superstars

 

Near the door, Tobias now talks to Zeke while they are both having beers. Zeke left a pre-made playlist set up to play in order to have a few drinks himself.

Though they are pretty tipsy, they don't want to go all crazy, so they can take care of their girlfriends.

 

We are who we are!

 

The train is currently on its fourth lap around the city. The party never stopped, the music and the drinks never ended.

 

Dj turn it up-up-up-up-up-up

 

"C'mon, Zeke!" Uriah yells. "You can do better than that!"

"I bet so, little brother!" Zeke yells back, smiling wickedly. He walks to the DJ table. "You asked for it!" Zeke turns the volume on max. Tobias laughs from his spot, emptying his bottle.

He slides the fingers of one hand through his belt-loops and holds onto the door with the other, dangling half of his body outside the train car.

 

Tonight we're going hard

 

The ground pulses with the beat of the music now, the lights move faster than ever. The voices of the drunk Dauntless members sing the lyrics in a slurred way.

 

Just like the world is ours

 

The Pedrad brothers, Zeke and Uriah, are extremely satisfied with their idea. Tobias was right when he conjectured about a party on the train being one of Zeke and Uriah's idea.

The brothers were indeed bored. The idea came while they couldn't decide between having a drinking contest or play Dare on the trains. Why not both, with all their friends and more people?

 

We're tearin' it apart

 

"Where were you and Four this afternoon?" Christina yells at Tris. This is the only way talk when the music is so loud.

"A date!"

This is a very drunk Tris.

Christina wiggles her eyebrows and smiles sheepishly. "A date, huh?"

Tris nods, the world spinning around a little. "We went to the Ferris wheel to have lunch, which you can understand as hamburgers and chocolate cake," the girls laugh. This is basic food for Dauntless. "Then we went to Amity to watch the sunset. When the train came to take us back to Dauntless, it brought the party along."

"Some things are meant to be."

 

You know we're superstars

 

"Only that? You seemed to think about Amity," Christina takes another sip of her bottle.

"There was a guy in Amity. We were friends back home, in Abnegation."

"Friends were allowed?" Christina asks.

"Sort of. Actually, Robert has a sister and I have a brother. Our parents wanted us to 'match'," Tris makes quotation marks on the air with her fingers. "I guess there really wasn't a friendship," she taps her fingers to her mouth, thinking. Yeah, probably not. Oh well.

Now Tris has friends, a bunch of them, and they are all cray Dauntless.

"Wait. Robert as in like the boy who suggested you went back to Abnegation when Four took us, former initiates, to visit the fence during our initiation? Robert, the guy who was hitting on you?"

"I don't think he was flirt-"

"He was flirting with you," Christina placing a hand on Tris' shoulder. "I may not be Erudite, but I know these things."

Tris just rolls her eyes at her friend.

"Anyway, Four was jealous and it was really funny."

 

We are who we are!

 

"Tell me! What happened? And I need details," Christina shrieks.

"Robert did nothing. He said hi, I told him about my new name and about Four. Four had no reason to be jealous." Tris explains, making gestures with her hands. The shine from the new ring in Tris' finger, maybe the most important ring in a woman's life, does not go unnoticed by Christina.

"Did you tell Robert about the engagement?"

"I did, I-" Tris stopped, the alcohol in her system making her a little bit slower. Tris narrows her eyes. "How do you know about it?"

"Oh my God! It is true! I just saw the ring, I had no idea before that!"

Christina hugs her short friend in a tight embrace, truly happy for her.

But soon she pulls away, placing her hands on Tris' shoulders and looking deadly-serious in her friend's eyes. "Why did you tell him first? I thought you cared about me more!"  
Tris chuckles. "Christina, I obviously care about you more. But Four proposed right after lunch! I didn't have time to tell yo."

Christina narrows her eyes and points her forefinger at Tris, like a Mom scolding her daughter. "You better not do something like that again, missy."

"I promise," Tris places her hand over her heart.

"Good." And both girls take a big gulp from their drinks.

 

We're dancing like we're dumb

 

Tris stumbles towards her fiancée, tripping over her own foot two steps away him.

Tobias knew she was coming. He moves quickly. He uses the muscles in his arms and hands to throw him back in the train, the muscles in his back to turn to Tris and the muscles in his legs to take a big step toward Tris, involving her in his arms half a second before she fell face-first on the floor.

 

Our bodies goin' numb

 

Tobias' strong arms bring Tris to a standing position and hold her against him softly. She has her thin arms wrapped around his torso and her head against his chest.

 

We'll be forever young  
You know we're superstars

 

Tris looks up at the same time Tobias looks down. Their eyes meet and never let go.  
They are each other's friend, fiancée and equal. They complete each other and they know it.

 

We are who we are!

 

And that's all that matters.


	11. Kettering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Universe. There are no factions. Tobias visits his friends and meets Tris, who has a big secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys!  
> I’m sorry I went missing here. I was on a vacation :3  
> But now I’m back with lots of ideas for one-shots, two long stories about Divergent and two more about “If I Stay” and “Legend”.  
> This is the longest chapter until now: more than five thousand words! (5384, as a matter of fact). It's based on “Kettering” by The Antlers. I love this song and it would be perfect if you heard it while reading! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zuLGLNJAX4)

I closed the car’s door and walked fast to the entrance of the hospital.   
The snow fell softly now, but the cold was still making my bones hurt. I entered the glass walls and cleaned my feet on the carpet.   
The walk to the elevators was filled with one single, simple actually, question: what floor was it again?   
I checked my messages to confirm the floor: 14.  
When I spotted Zeke, a smile immediately took my face. He was drooling over a glass wall.   
“I thought you wouldn’t show up.”  
I turned around to find Shauna in a hospital gown and a robe, slippers on her feet. There were bags under her eyes and her shoulders were slouched. Giving birth must be tiring.  
“Hello to you, too. I thought I’d give you some time to rest,” I hugged her gently, afraid to cause her any pain.   
“Thanks for coming. Do you want to meet him?” she asked, walking towards Zeke.   
He was standing outside the nursery, looking at his baby boy. I never thought I’d live to see this, but the world does make turns.  
The nurses saw Shauna and brought Drake to her.   
Drake Pedrad was small, so small I thought he was a doll. He was a perfect copy of Zeke, having only Shauna’s smile.  
We walked back to Shauna's hospital room, where we could talk more privately and she could seat down.   
“Drake’s beautiful, guys. Congratulations,” I stood next to Zeke, where we both drooled over the newborn baby. "You do know you have two kids, right?" I asked Shauna.  
“Yes, I know," she laughed and I joined her, "Would you like to hold him?”  
“Sure. I am his godfather, after all, right?”  
Shauna explained how to hold him and support his head and neck. A minute later, I had baby Drake sleeping peacefully in my arms.   
“Careful, Tobias. Those are not easy to make,” Zeke pointed at the baby in my arms.  
“Do I hear doubting about you making babies ability?”  
“No. That was the easy part. I’d gladly do it again, actually,” Shauna hits his arm, hard. “Ouch, woman! That hurts.”  
“Good, that’s exactly the point. And you didn’t do any of the hard work, Ezekiel.”  
“You carried him for nine months, okay. But no one said that having a pregnant wife would be so hard!” Zeke turned to me, “I love her to death, but she was quite a Russian roulette with all those emotional swings and stuff.”  
I had heard it before from Zeke. I was even present in many of these moments. Zeke and Shuna were family.  
“Don’t tell me you didn’t like my sex addicted phase,” she smiled wickedly.  
“That was the favorite part, baby,” Zeke smirked.  
“Okay! I’ll leave now. I’ll come back tomorrow, keep me informed. I’d like to know about you guys and little Drake here,” I handed the baby carefully to his mother and made my way to the door.  
“Bye, Tobias!”  
“See you, buddy! Keep the phone close!”  
I gave the new parents a thumbs up and continued down the hall.  
When I got to the elevators, there was a sign: OUT OF ORDER. I sighed and took the emergency stairs. There were a woman and an old lady there, going down as well. The older woman had an oxygen mask and some trouble with walking. The young nurse was helping her.  
That was going to take a long time. The other option was watching Zeke and Shauna already try for a second baby. I definitely preferred the stairs.  
Twenty minutes later, we reached the twelfth floor. Okay, that was it.   
I entered the main lobby of the floor. There had to be another way down, even if it was another set of stairs. My eyes focused on finding stairs through the plaques.  
Bathroom, reception, rooms 121 to 149, rooms 150 to 186.  
Something – someone - hit my chest. I tried not to put too much pressure when I grabbed her arms before she fell on the ground and pulled her to a standing position.   
“Are you okay?” I asked.  
She was small. Her head didn’t reach my shoulders, her thin arms were still locked between my fingers. Her long blond hair fell in waves down her back. Her big eyes shined with tears, some were rolling down her cheeks and into my arms. They were a unique light grey, almost blue, color. She looked intently at me and I almost drowned in the stormy persistence of her orbs.   
“Yes.” Her voice was lower than I expected. I wanted to hear it again.  
She took a step back, freeing herself from my grip and smoothing down her tight black clothes and hair. I thought I saw her hands tremble, but it was too quick to be certain. “Thank you.”  
“It was my fault, since I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”  
She sighed and tucked a few strands of blond hair behind her ear. Sure enough, I was certain her hands were shaking this time. She also caught the tears that had escaped her eyes.  
“Are you okay?” I inquired again, my eyebrows furrowing.  
She nodded. “Yes.”  
In seconds her eyes welled up in tears and she was shaking her head instead of nodding.  
“Would you like to take a drink?”  
She sniffled and nodded.  
“I’m Tobias, by the way.”  
“Tris.”  
Roughly fifteen minutes later, we were sharing stories about our friends and childhoods under the torpor of an undefined numbers of alcohol.  
\----------------------------------------------------  
Today was our third date. Fourth, if I count the bar the day we first met.  
I reached her house 2 minutes before our scheduled time. I was taking her to the amusement park tonight.  
At exactly 7 p.m. I was knocking on her door softly. I heard her footsteps coming closer, an anxious and constant thud. Then she opened the door, smiling brightly.  
Her long blond hair was in a tight ponytail on the top of her head, her lips were painted in a dark red and there was a thin black line outlining her eyes. She wore a tight black, long sleeved shirt and ripped dark washed jeans. Her inseparable combat boots were firmly tied in her ankles.  
“Hey,” I said, smiling.  
“Hey,” she replied.  
I offered her the black roses. Black was her favorite color and I wanted to give her roses, because of their meaning. I had searched and found a way to paint them with colored water. “Those are for you.”  
Her smile lightened my world. “Thank you.”  
\----------------------------------------------------  
Since we arrived at our destination, Tris’ smile hadn’t left her face.  
“C’mon, let’s try those,” she pointed at the water guns.   
By only one bottle, I won. Her arm trembled and she missed the last one.  
“Are you okay?” I furrowed my eyebrows.  
“Yeah,” she nodded and shrugged.   
I got the best score, although her score was just behind mine. I chose the dark-blue eyed, entirely black furrow-stuffed bear, offering it to Tris.  
“Thank you,” she kissed my cheek. Her eyes found something behind me when she pulled away, she smiled. I wish she hadn’t pulled away. I wish we had kissed properly. “Let’s go there,” she pointed at the Ferris wheel.  
A shiver ran down my spine and I swallowed hard.  
“Sure.” My voice was steady, but she sensed my hesitation.  
“Are you okay?” I felt the light pressure of her small hand on my shoulder.  
“Yeah, of course.”  
I was still looking hesitantly to the big metal structure. Tris’ eyes went from me to the Ferris wheel and back.  
“You’re afraid of heights,” she stated. I nodded.  
When I looked at her, there wasn’t shame or disgust or accusation in her expression. She smiled at me, as if I had just told her my favorite color.  
I made a decision. “C’mon, let’s go,” I grabbed her hand and tugged it gently.  
“We don’t have to, you know? There are others activit-”  
I cut her off by scooping her in my arms, one arm behind her knees and one behind her back.  
“You wanted to go, then we’re going, my lady,” I smiled. She laughed and placed her arms around my neck.  
When our cart reached the top, my knuckles were almost white. But Tris had the biggest smile I had ever seen. Her eyes shined with adrenaline.  
“Are you okay?” she asked.   
“Yes.”  
She laughed. How could she feel so relaxed being up so high?  
“Are you even human, Tris?”   
That only made her laugh harder.  
“Tobias?”  
I looked at her. I liked the sound of my name coming from her mouth.   
She didn’t speak. Her lips only touched mine and she pulled away.  
Did she kiss me?   
She looked shocked and surprised at herself, looking at me with wide eyes.  
My hands went to her waist and behind her neck, pulling her gently toward me. Our lips brushed at first and I pulled away.   
She didn’t hesitate or complained. Then I kissed her with all I have. I kissed her like my life depended on it. And, in that moment, at the top of the Ferris wheel, it did.  
\----------------------------------------------------  
I parked in front of her house, but neither one of us moved.  
Tris held her stuffed bear firmly in her arms.  
“Tonight was amazing. Thank you, Tobias.”  
“I should be thanking you,” my eyes landed on hers. She blushed and looked down at the bear. “When can I see you again?”  
The words escaped my mouth before I could even think. I didn’t want to sound desperate, but I had a needing to be beside her. A need to be with her.  
I liked her, I knew that. But maybe, just maybe, I was love with her.   
Those words have been haunting my mind since our second date, the first one I actually invited her. I knew it was too soon to be in love with her, but I just couldn’t help it. I enjoyed every moment of her company. I wanted to make her feel better the second I met her. I wanted to hear her laugh forever since I heard her laugh for the first time. I wanted to stare at those beautiful eyes since the first time I laid my own eyes on them.  
“I’ll think about it when you ask me out again,” she smirked, one eyebrow arched. Beautiful.  
I took her hand on mine.  
“I have something to tell you,” I said, my nose sliding along her jaw, my lips pressing behind her ear. She ran her fingers along the tendons in my hand and looked back at me.  
“Tell me,” she asked closing her eyes.   
“I love you.”  
Her grey eyes snapped open. “You should know better.” She got rid of her seatbelt in a matter of seconds, “That’s not right.”  
Tris got out of the car before I could say a word.  
What had I done?   
I watched as she walked fast to her front door, her shoulders shaking violently.   
Everything was in slow motion. She was running and then she fell. Her name escaped my lips in a scream as I watched her small figure hit the ground.   
She didn’t move from that moment on.  
I could finally move my body again. I took my seatbelt off and got out of the car. My feet ran faster than ever toward her, adrenaline and fear ran through my veins. Her heart was beating fast, but she was unconscious.   
I scooped her in my arms and placed her gently on the passenger’s seat, strapping the seatbelt back.  
I drove to the hospital as fast as I could, carried Tris to the emergency entrance and placed her delicately in the stretcher.   
I explained quickly what happened to the nurses and doctors that surrounded Tris before a nurse lead me to a waiting room.   
I wasn’t able to count how much time went by.   
I wasn’t able to sleep or eat.  
I wasn’t able to think about anything except her. Tris.  
I cared so much about her, even after she ran when I told her I was in love with her.  
What was wrong with me? Didn’t I have a little bit of self-love?  
I loved her. I wanted to make sure she was okay before she walked away from my life. And that would be because she wanted. Because she didn’t want to be with me.  
Minutes, hours, days later – I lost track of time – a nurse came to me.   
“You brought her here six hours ago. We confirmed who she was and her illness. We got her doctor and she came to see her. I’d call her family, but according to our files, she doesn’t have any. Is that correct?” Her voice was calm, soothing.  
“That is correct.” Her parents died when she was sixteen. Tris never got along with her brother, so I wasn’t surprised that they didn’t have his number.   
But how the hospital had her files? What illness? What is she talking about?  
“Is she okay?” That was all I cared.  
“She’s unconscious at the moment, but steady.”  
“Can I see her?”  
“Come with me.”  
I followed her to the twelfth floor and into a series of corridors until we reached room 1046. Tris laid in the hospital bed, IVs connected to her. She was pale and looked fragile. Machines were beeping her heart rate and oxygen level.  
“Excuse me,” I read the nurse’s name quickly, “Lynn, what is her illness?”  
“You don’t know? Oh my God,” Lynn sighed.  
“We’ve been seeing each other for a short time, she never told me about a disease,” I explained, my eyes never leaving Tris’ small figure.  
“Maybe you should ask her when she wakes up, sir. I’m sure she didn’t tell you for a reason.”   
And with that, Lynn left the room. I sat in a plastic chair by Tris’ bed and carefully held her free hand.  
I was drawing soothing circles on her palm when she woke up.   
First, her hand squeezed mine. Then, her eyes slowly opened, but closed again. She tried again and kept them open.   
“Tobias?” her voice was scratchy.  
“Hey,” I tried to smile. “Are you okay?”  
“Tired. But I’m good.”  
She tried to sit up, but her weakness got the best, so I helped her. I waited until she felt comfortable to say, “I’m going to call the doctor.”  
I rose from my seat and walked the door.  
I called the doctor, but when he came to talk to Tris, I waited outside her room. Some privacy never killed anyone.  
After a few minutes, her doctor came out of the room.  
“She wants to see you.” I barely let him finish before I entered the room.   
Tris was laying on the hospital bed, with tubes in her arms. Tears were streaming down Tris’ face as she stared at the floor. She didn’t seem to notice them.   
I sat in the chair next to her bed, unsure of what to say or what to do. She ran away, literally, after all, when I told her I loved her.  
We sat in silence for a few minutes, until her voiced filled the void.  
“Thank you.” Her eyes met mine. “Thank you for bringing me here, after I…”  
“No problem.”  
Several minutes went by before tears filled her eyes again.  
“Are you okay?” I knew she wasn’t, otherwise she wouldn’t be in the hospital. But I couldn’t think of anything else to say.  
“It’s coming to an end now,” her voice cracked in a sob. She pressed her hand to her mouth, containing the subsequent ones.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Nothing.”  
\----------------------------------------------------  
Days went by and I visited her every day.   
Her doctors were afraid to let her go home, saying she might have another “episode”. That’s what they called her blacking out the night of the Ferris wheel.  
“Have you told your brother?” she never wanted to talk about her disease.   
“No.”  
“Why not?”  
“I don’t want him making it more real. If I don’t acknowledge it, maybe it won’t come,” she sighed. “On the other hand, I am embracing the probability of my imminent death. And it’s something hard for me to do, I don’t want him suffering, watching me die, for months. The quick news of my death will be easier for him. ” she analyzed me from head to toe, “You don’t have to be here, you know.”  
I felt a knife in my chest. Was she really kicking me out?  
“I’m not leaving, Tris. You should leave before this hurts you. Before I hurt you,” she whispered the last part.  
“You only hurt me when you don’t tell me things, important things.”  
“Like what?”  
“Like the reason why you’re dying.”  
“I don’t want people to suffer, that’s all. I don’t tell who doesn’t deserve to know,” she shrugged.   
If her brother didn’t know, how would I know? Why would she tell me, a complete stranger? Why was I surprised by that? Because you love her.  
I should pay attention to her. I should care more about her. But how could I have done that if we met less than two months ago?  
“I’m not important enough for you,” my conclusion escaped my mouth before I could process it.  
She jerked her head up. “That’s not true. Tobias, you’re too important to suffer. ”  
“Why don’t you tell me? I fell in love with you, Tris. Don’t you think it is only fair to tell me?”  
She gasped at my statement. Wasn’t I obvious before?   
“You don’t deserve to date a girl who is probably going to die!” Her hands grabbed the sheets and looked down. Droplets of water ran from her eyes, down her cheeks, to the mattress. She took a big breath. “I fell in love with you, too, Tobias,” she whispered, “But I thought you wouldn’t fall for me. At least, not for a while. I thought I could enjoy your company for a few weeks before it got too much. Before you had feelings for me or before my disease was too much.”  
“What do you mean?”  
And then she told me. Tris had Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. It wasn’t the beginning of the cancer, but it wasn’t the final stage also. Thank God for that.  
She was trembling and sobbing. I had the slight idea that she would hate if I pitied her, so it took me some time to think of something to say to make her feel better and even more time to be certain my voice wouldn’t fail. So I hugged her, harder than ever before. She held onto me like her life depended on it.  
“It’s okay. Everything will be just fine,” I said, though I knew that maybe it wouldn’t.  
She didn’t tell me because her doctor gave her a death sentence.  
“I never meant to hurt you,” she sniffed. “I’m sorry,” and another wave of tears and sobs came.  
“There’s nothing to be sorry for.”  
I just held her close, silently telling her she could rely on me.  
\----------------------------------------------------  
Three months. That’s how long it had been since the Ferris wheel night. And she hadn’t left the hospital, until today.  
Tris’ doctor saw she was a little depressive. She was strong and was fighting for her life, but she was melancholic. It was one of the symptoms of the disease, I knew, but I wanted to change that.  
But melancholy meant Tris wanting to prove she was strong, stronger than she needed to be. She wouldn’t tell me, the nurses nor even her doctor if – when - she felt any pain or discomfort.   
So I as preparing to take her to the amusement park again, with a slight difference this time. She didn’t know about my plans.  
I entered her room to find Tris sitting on the hospital bed. Christina, her nurse, was combing her hair.   
She and Tris just clicked the moment that nurse entered her room. She was a good friend, though too loud and honest sometimes. It was like she had no filter and she would just say the first thing that came to her head. Tris didn’t care about fashion, and although it was as important as air for Christina, they had a bond.   
The black long sleeved shirt hugged her frail arms. The pants and combat boots were her signal. I smiled. She was beautiful. Looking sick and pale, but still perfect.  
“Miss Prior, I must say: you look stunning,” I smiled.   
Her cheeks got red and she smiles shyly to me, whispering, “Thank you.”  
She had bags under her eyes, exhaustion from the cancer and from lack of sleep. Her skin was paler, she had purple marks in some areas. Her grey, black marked with make-up, eyes showed confidence and bravery.  
Cancer wasn’t easy, but she was doing great. She wouldn’t give up.  
\----------------------------------------------------  
We came to the amusement park again. Tris’ arm was entangled with mine. I stopped walking when we got near the Ferris wheel. “Can you do it again?” I asked Tris.  
My heart was racing, but not with the idea of heights. I was nervous about Tris; just looking at her made me uneasy. It wasn’t the cancer. It was simply Tris’ presence.   
“Are you sure?”  
“Don’t worry about me, Tris. Would you like to do it or not?”  
A smile began to take place in her lips. “Yes.”  
“Then, let’s go.” We started walking again, slowly, but her legs failed under her and she grimaced. “Are you okay?”  
“Yes, I just need a minute.”  
It was one of those moments when she was trying to be stronger than she needed to be.   
“I have a better idea.”  
“What kind of-Tobias, put me down!” I scooped her up, one arm on her back and the other behind her knees. And ran to the entrance of the Ferris wheel.  
Tris laughed hard, she even threw her head back as her arms snaked around my neck. The sound of her laugh, which I had spent months without, made me laugh too.   
Our light moments were soon finished. One moment Tris and I were talking, laughing and kissing at the top of the Ferris wheel. The starry night had a full moon, which provided the perfect amount of light we needed. The other, we were a few meter away from the Ferris wheel, looking for something to eat, when Tris stumbled and leaned on me. I surrounded her waist with my arm, trying to steady her.   
But then her eyes closed and she fell heavily in my arms.  
\----------------------------------------------------  
Two days later, I sat by Tris’ hospital bed in the ICU. My face was wet and my eyes were blurry from the tears. My hands held her small, cold hand.   
The moment she woke up, in the hospital bed once again, I smiled. Relief flooded through my body immediately.   
“Tris!” I stood from my chair, still holding her hand on mine.  
Tris looked around her until her eyes focused on me. She sighed when her eyes met mine, retrieved her hand and sat up, refusing my help with a wave of her hand when I motioned to do so. I saw it caused her pain to use her arms to rise, but she didn’t let me do anything.   
I didn’t want her to be in pain, but I wouldn’t treat her like she needed my assistance 24/7. I knew she would hate me for treating her like a porcelain doll. After all, she was far from it. She was a warrior; the bravest I had ever known.  
Her voice was cold, deadly cold.   
“Go away.”   
“What?”  
“Leave this room and this hospital, Tobias.”  
I couldn’t let such thing happen. I needed her in my life. I wondered what she was thinking. Was she blaming me for taking her to the amusement park?   
“Tris, I’m sorry for taking you there. We don’t have to go there again. I thought you liked the first time we went, but I can see I was wrong. Do you really want me to go?” I whispered the last part.  
Although she said I should leave, I was still standing by her bed.  
“Nothing’s you fault, Tobias. I loved the park and Ferris wheel, every moment of it. But you shouldn’t be here.   
“You have to let me stay. I won’t leave you here alone. Tris, I-”  
“Leave,” she cut me off. “There’s a reason why I don’t tell people that I’m sick: I’m dying, Tobias. And I know it will hurt you when I die.” I shivered at that thought of Tris being dead. “So, do me and yourself a favor, and leave me alone.”  
“A favor?”  
“I’m dying.” That sentence came out of her mouth as if she was stating the weather. “I’ll hurt you when this happens and this is the last thing I want, Tobias. You don’t have to watch that. Go away.”  
I couldn’t find my voice. I just shook my head.  
“I prefer to do this alone. Leave me, Tobias.” Her voice cracked and tears filled her eyes, but she held them back.  
“No.” I said firmly.   
I took a step closer.  
“No, no, no. I won’t leave you.” I crossed the distance between us in large strides, one for each word. “I can’t leave, because I love you.”  
She didn’t respond me with words. She placed her hands around my neck, pulling me toward her and kissing me. There was love and desperation, fear and courage. I kissed her back with the same intensity.  
I knew I should leave. She asked me to leave her and I didn’t want to see her suffer. But that was exactly the reason I stayed. I didn’t want her to suffer, so I would anything I could to make her feel better.  
And I did.   
I just hoped I was enough for her.  
\----------------------------------------------------  
Hours turned to days which turned to weeks which turned into months.  
I knew her cancer wasn’t easy, but I didn’t know her pain was enough to make her scream for help. And that was exactly what she did. She was grunting and screaming that afternoon. I wondered for how long the pain had been there. It had to be pretty bad for her to scream.   
It was the worst sound I had ever heard.   
The doctors put her under morphine that day.  
I entered her room and saw Tris lying in the hospital bed. She had tubes in her arms, some connected to fluids and some connected to machines. The beeping alarms from the heart monitor, the morphine and so many others weren’t synchronized. The medication kept Tris asleep during the majority of the day. Her stomach couldn’t keep food anymore, so she would mostly eat via IV’s.  
I held her hand for countless hours, holding her hand and tracing patters, talking to her softly, asking her to fight. Months went by like this.   
\----------------------------------------------------  
One day, the machine emitted a strange sound. Lynn, the nurse, kicked me out of the room, pushing me back to the door.  
“We’ll keep you updated, nut right now I need you to stay here,” Christina affirmed before returning to the room.  
Once in the corridor, I kept walking backwards until I felt the cold hospital wall on my back. I slid to the floor, burying my face in my hands and touching my knees to my chest.  
I prayed she would be okay.  
\----------------------------------------------------  
Tris’ doctor, Doctor Marlene, woke me up the next morning. I had fallen asleep in the chair last night, as I had often done in the past months.  
“Morning.”  
“Morning,” she offered me a mug of coffee. I accepted it. She wouldn’t look me in the eyes. Her hands were uneasy by her side, as well as her feet.   
“Tobias, this is Doctor Will. He is here to help out in Tris’ case.” She pointed to a tall man with blond hair and green eyes.  
“Nice to meet you,” Doctor Will offered his hand. I shook it.  
“Same.”  
“The surgical operation is her only chance now. Other than that, we can increase the morphine level and wait,” Doctor Marlene said. Wait for her to die. The thought provoked a shiver down my spine.  
She was lying on the hospital bed, an oxygen mask attached to her face. Her comatose state made her look like she was sleeping soundly.  
“The thing is, Tobias, we don’t think she’ll make it through surgery,” Dr. Will said. He gave me a couple of minutes to process such information. But I couldn’t accept it. “But surgery is her last hope.”  
“When will you wake her up?”  
They exchanged looks. “We tried. We have been trying for the 24 hours.”  
“What do you mean ‘trying’?” I felt dizzy, I wasn’t breathing enough air. Or that’s what I felt like.  
“Tris should make that decision, but she fell into a coma last night. And we can’t wait for her to wake up to make a decision about the surgery, due the fact that she might not wake up.”  
“It is up to you now, Tobias. You are her family now. Tris signed a clause that says if she, for any reason, couldn’t make a decision, it should be made by you. You must choose if you want us to try surgery or not. But I must warn you: she doesn’t have much time.”  
How could she do this to me? Put her life in my hands like that?   
“She has to be strong to survive the surgery. Is she strong enough?”  
I ran my hand over my hair.   
How could I make such a decision? It was her life. I had met her recently and I had to decide whether doctors performed a high-risk surgery.  
The surgery was a risk for Tris. But, if not done, she would certainly die.   
I just had to think about her eyes. The look in her eyes had always made me fall in love with her over and over again. I could see the confidence, the recklessness, the bravery, in them. And, with that, I would to be sure she would make it.  
“Do it.”  
I squeezed Tris’ hand. Please, Tris, please, don’t die.  
¬¬¬¬¬¬¬----------------------------------------------------  
I have an unpayable debt to Tris: Kaede.  
Our five year old daughter plays with her favorite doll in the garden.  
I sit in the hammock, watching her.  
Kaede is an exact copy of Tris, and I thank God for that. Long blond hair and both short. Kaede also loves heights, just like her mother. But what I love most about them is their eyes. Big grey orbs, with a hint of blue, that study and analyze everything and everyone with a tremendous intelligence. They showed ferocity, determination, bravery and love. I always know what they want just by looking into those unique eyes.  
Today is the day that marks Tris’ surgery. For the past years, it has always been a difficult day for me. Love, trust and rebirth have marked this day over the ears.   
Tris was my angel and she’ll always will be. One simply can’t forget about angels.  
The doctors thought she would not make it. But I never doubted my Tris.  
I hear footsteps on the wooden balcony and smile.   
“Close your mouth, you’re gonna catch flies.”  
“You know I love watching our beautiful daughter. She looks exactly like you.”  
Tris sits on my lap, her legs by my side, and rests her head on my chest.  
“I know. She’s a daddy’s daughter and you are an amazing father.”  
I snake my arms around her waist and turn her, so her back is facing my chest. I place my head on her shoulder and she lays her head on my shoulder.  
We sit in silence, watching our daughter, enjoining each other’s presence for a while, until she turns to me.  
“Thank you for staying,” she whispers.  
“I would never leave, Tris.” And I mean every word of it.  
“Tobias?”  
“Yes?”  
“I’m pregnant. Again.”  
My lips crash hers in a desperate kiss. Desperate to show love and happiness, caring and joy.  
With her cancer gone, annual check-ups for both Tris and Kaede, we only have to live our lives the best way we can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes? No?


	12. Baby, Don't Cut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four/Tris. AU.
> 
> Peter, Molly and Drew give the word "bullying" a powerful meaning to Tris. Tobias tries to help her.   
> Keyword: tries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Careful while reading. Strong content: self-harm.

Tris ran to the bathroom and shut the door, tears streaming down her face. She rested her forehead against the wooden door and closed her eyes. She didn’t know how long she stayed that way.  
Finally, she took a deep breath and walked to the sink, taking her grey jumper off. A large grey jumper which was one of the most comfortable clothes the seventeen-year-old had. She searched the medicine cabinet and found it. The razor.   
Her fingers lightly touched the blade, delicately enough to save the soft skin of her fingers of a cut. She lowered the razor, pressing the blade against her wrist. In one slow movement, the sharp end opened a cut in her skin. A long hiss escaped her mouth, matching the razor’s movement, but she wasn’t worried about someone hearing. There was nobody home.  
It took almost no strength to cut the smoothness of her skin, and soon dark blood spurted from it. The red substance ran from the wound, shining in the light of Tris’ small bathroom.   
There was only one brief moment of pain before an immeasurable pleasure consumed her, making her ask more.  
The second cut soon followed the first, this one longer. Deeper. The red thick dark liquid ran down her arms to her elbow and fell on the sink, painting it too.   
Her wrist had countless scars, some old and some new. She would constantly reopen them or make new ones. And she knew why.  
This is all their fault. Peter. Molly. Drew. Nita.  
Why couldn’t they live her alone? Every day they would mock her, even if Tris was simply breathing, not even moving. They would make her life a living hell. And they liked it.  
And that day wasn’t any different. They talked about her brother, the one who died to save her while they were children.   
The memories brought salty tears to her eyes.  
Tris and Caleb were in the backseat of their parent’s car, enjoying the view. It had snowed that day. The glassy road was slippery. The snow made the car slip and fall into a lake. Tris and her mother hit their heads with the sudden turn and passed out, but her father and her brother were awake. Andrew got his wife and daughter off the seatbelts, only helping Caleb since he was awake. When the time to swim to the surface came, Andrew could only take two people with him. Caleb knew that, he was a smart little boy. He gestured to his father towards Tris and Natalie and pointed to the surface, signaling that his father had to take them. Then, he pointed at himself and gave his father a thumbs up. He was indeed having swimming classes, but he was far from good. He was far from being able to survive this. Andrew didn’t know that, so he took his wife’s and daughter’s arms and brought them to the surface.  
Caleb never resurfaced on his own. He never breathed again.  
Those memories were too painful for Tris, even after all those years.   
She sniffled. The amount of blood dropping from her wounds came faster, due to her accelerated heart rate. The memories of the accident always made her uneasy, agitated.   
“Tris?” a voice came through the door. She would recognize it anywhere, anytime. Tobias. She smiled and then remembered her actions from 10 seconds ago.   
She hid the blade in the cabinet of the bathroom and smoothed her hair and clothes. Her shaky hands turned the faucet on and she cleaned the blood and the tears. Her face was still red, but her breathing was even although shallow. She put the jumper on again.  
“Tris, please. Open the door,” he sounded desperate and she hated herself for doing that to him.  
She unlocked the door and opened it slowly.  
Tobias stood there. His face contorted in an expression of worriedness and fear. His hands held her shoulders and pulled her closer, embracing her small frame in a warm hug, running them up and down her back. She inhaled his scent. Safety. It made her feel that way since they were little kids.  
He kissed her forehead. “What happened?”  
Tobias was in his History class when he saw a figure running in the parking lot. He soon recognized his girlfriend headed to her car. He noticed she was crying and his heart missed a beat. He didn’t waste a moment before running after her. He got held up by the teacher that got irritated by Tobias’ lack of respect toward him.  
“Sometimes I just think they’re right, you know. I am useless.” Her voice cracked as she tried to explain. He embraced her stronger.  
“Don’t care about them. I need you, you’re not useless. Or unworthy,” he pulled away, “You are worthy to me.”  
“Useful to kill my brother.”  
So they talked about her brother. Tobias felt his blood burning, his rage towards Peter grew in that split second.  
Tris felt her eyes welling up once again and buried her head on his muscular chest. Tobias led them to her bed, lying her down and sitting next to her.  
“You know what Caleb did, you know why he did it. He saved you. I have you with me, which is all I need. And I thank him every day for that, Tris,” his long and narrowed fingers stroked her cheek carefully, cleaning the tears.  
New ones soon replaced them. He kissed all of them, making those go away too.  
“You know this is just not for Caleb,” she sighed. “I feel like my parents blame me for what happened to him. I know it isn’t true, but I still think it’s my fault. I can see them wondering sometimes, about Caleb, what would it be if he was here instead of me? Maybe if I went to the swimming lessons with him, he’d be here, too,” she sniffled.  
Tobias held his girlfriend’s trembling body for minutes. Hours. He didn’t care, she needed it. And there wasn’t a thing he would not do for her.  
“It’s not your fault. I would have died with you in that river if Caleb hadn’t saved you that day. I would be dead with you. And you know why? Because I love you. So please, if you did anything, you allowed another day for me to live. You saved me the day you chose to live, Tris.”  
She pulled him toward her, fitting her mouth to his in a loving kiss.   
They pulled away, both of them breathing heavily.  
“I’ll make you a cup of tea, okay?” he ran his fingers through her long hair. She nodded.  
When he rose from his seat though, he saw the sleeves of her jumper. They were darker, looking wet. He crouched beside her, reaching over. He pulled her sleeve up and confirming his ideas: blood.  
He thought about the time she tried to kill herself by choking down a bunch of pills. Her parents found her asleep hours later, her breathing almost fading. She spent days in the hospital and was assigned a therapist and depression prescriptions.  
The therapist sessions ended two years ago and Tobias was always afraid she’d try to her life away again.  
He looked at her, sitting in her bed, no light in her eyes. She felt hopeless and for a moment, so did he. Until the idea of living in a world without her crossed his mind. The pain came in an absurd amount.  
His eyes met hers, both filled with tears. “I’m sorry,” she chocked.  
He tried to embrace her but she pushed him away. He didn’t deserve to suffer with her.  
And she knew he suffered, she remembered the time she spent in the hospital because of little attempt. The look in his eyes, the pain, the worriedness… And now again, because, once again, she couldn’t deal with her problems.  
He wanted to comfort her, to tell her everything would be fine and that tomorrow would be better, like he had done many times before, but she wouldn’t let him touch her.  
And then his eyes landed on her arms, noticing for the first time the scars that buried deep within her wrist.  
She felt numb. She didn’t know what she was doing felt numb, but she knew her body was on automatic control to keep him away from her.   
“Why, Tris? Why did you do it?” he begged, his voice cracking.  
Her thin arms hugged herself, in an attempt to hold herself strongly.  
“T-this way I-I,” she mumbles, “I feel like I can control the pain.”  
His face and voice softened.  
“Pain? What do you mean?”  
“The pain I feel inside,” she whispers and closes her eyes.  
Tobias’ arms embrace her trembling body.  
“How long?” he ran his hand delicately through her long hair. “How long since you felt this way? Since you’ve been doing those?” his large hand held her arm, his thumb tracing the pink scars that marked her skin. He felt useless, to say the very least.  
How he didn’t notice those before? How he didn’t realized what his girlfriend – the most important person the whole world for him – was going through so much?  
“A while. I didn’t want you to know. I guess I needed better luck,” she mumbled bitterly.   
He felt tears pricking his eyes. Some tears were still falling from her eyes.  
“Tris, I-” he took a deep breathe. “I know you’re feeling all alone. I know that now, and I’m sorry I never realized before-”  
She shook her head and placed her finger on his lips, shushing him. That was the last thing she wanted, for him to blame himself for her actions.  
“But you don’t have to feel alone anymore. You were never alone, okay? I love you and I’ll always be here for you. Don’t listen to them, they don’t know shit about you. About anyone. You can do anything you want, I know that.”  
And she believed him. They had known each other for ages. He knew her.  
“You’re the most important person in the world to me, Tris. I know your heart hurts, but it’ll get better. I will make it better, okay? I will, even if it’s the last thing I do.”  
The seriousness in his voice made her realize he wasn’t lying.   
He gently placed his hands on the sides of her face. “Baby, never cut. Tris, promise me. Please.”  
“I promise.”

 

The next day at school, Tris felt better than the day before. She parked her car, grabbed her bag and walked in the school.  
She remembered the words from her boyfriend.  
You’re the most important person in the world to me.  
I love you and I’ll always be here for you.  
And she cracked a small smile.   
But it was too soon for any celebration. Tris was so focused on the memory that she didn’t notice Molly nearing her, a mischievous look on her eyes, and a sadistic smile on her lips. Her body moving like a lioness – no, a naja - to attack its prey.   
Molly was a tall and bulky girl, so when she bumped her shoulder to Tris’ small form, she sent the blond girl to the ground. Her books reached the ground with a loud noise, drawing attention from the whole class. And everybody in the room just seemed to point and laugh.   
She quickly gathered her things and sat down on her usual seat: far behind, far left.  
During the whole class she felt snickers and looks in her direction. She had had enough, she sent her boyfriend a text.   
“I love you with my body, heart and soul to death.”  
The engines were already running in her head.  
On the other side of the school, Tobias’ phone vibrated. A text message.   
He smiled when he read the words his girlfriend wrote, thought nothing, typed “I love you”, then he sent it.  
It just never crossed his mind that by “death” she had literally just meant it.

 

When the bell rang, Tris went to her car. She drove madly fast to her home, opening the door and running to the bathroom. She didn’t bother to lock, or even close, the front door.  
She turned the water on and laid on the burning water. The razor soon was in her hand, cutting the soft skin on her arms, in horizontal lines.   
The laughs and the mockery of the students filled her mind. She could hear them as if they were right by her side.   
The water was a painted red, still burning hot. But she didn’t care. She didn’t feel it burning her skin.  
She stared at the bloodied blade and remembered her promise. She thought to herself she wouldn’t break her promise that soon.  
She remembered her boyfriend’s words.   
I will make it better, okay?  
She wanted him. She needed him to help her.  
I will, even if it’s the last thing I do.  
But she didn’t want to drag him into the pit of dark feelings. She wanted him to move on and be happy. And she knew she would never be able to do that. If she was alive, she’d still want him no matter what. She loved him so much.   
She loved him so much she had to let him go. And to do that, she would had to let herself go.  
Then the pain will be over, at last.  
So she started cutting vertically.  
One cut.  
Two cuts.  
Three cuts.  
Four…  
The blood just started dripping from the tub to the floor.

 

Tobias looked at the phone for the tenth time in 20 minutes. He was uneasy, he had a feeling in his stomach that he hated. He never waited for the end of the class before running through the door and out the school. His heart was accelerated, his was breathing fast when he reached her house.   
The front door was open and he stood in the hall for a couple of seconds before he heard the water running. His feet carried him up the stairs, he stormed into the bathroom and his heart started gunning.  
The vision before him made him gasp. His saw his girlfriend in the tub, the water red from the blood that marked the skin in her arm.  
So much blood.  
He ran to her side, placing her arm around his shoulder, trying to lean her back up.   
“Tris!” He screamed, but there is no response. He lifted her light body up and placed her beside the bathtub. “Tris!”   
It was the worse sight of his life. The girl he loved dying in front of him. He needed her to live, he was nothing without her.   
Her eyeballs were rolling, drifting out of consciousness.   
He called for emergency, screaming out so heavily, “Sent an ambulance, now!”  
Why the hell she did this? Why didn’t she stop?  
Why did she start?  
The ambulance arrived, the medics ran to the bathroom. They rush her to a stretcher carefully, wrapping her arms up.   
He took one last look of the bathroom before following them down the stairs. She’d lost a lot of blood. It dripped on the tub, on the floor. Even Tobias had blood in his hands, arms and clothes. He hadn’t noticed it before. But he did pick her up from the water.  
The scene gave him a bad feeling.   
The place looked like a murder scene.  
He runs down the stairs, just in time to get into the ambulance that goes flying to the hospital. He noticed how pale Tris was in that moment. She had always been pale, but now… Now she looked like a ghost. Her skin was similar to silk, a very delicate and white one.  
He looked at her face and, to his surprise, she seemed at peace. It was like she was dreaming about something good. Her eyes lightly shut, her eyebrows unfrowned. And even a small smile played on her lips.   
Tobias held Tris’ hand all the way, gently caressing it with his thumb in circular motions.  
When they reached their destination, the paramedics rushed her in. The doctor didn’t take a second look at the girl’s body to yell, “Emergency!”  
They had a clear passage down the hallway, pushing the stretcher as fast as they could.  
An hour later, the same doctor walked over. He approached Tobias, who was pacing on the waiting room, his clothes stained with Tris’ blood. The doctor had the same stains on his uniform.   
Tobias noted a sour face on the doctor’s face.   
“Tris Prior?” he asked.  
Tobias nodded. “How is she? Will she be okay?”  
“Excuse me for the words that I’m about to say,” he said. He took a long breath, “We did everything we could, but it wasn’t enough. I’m sorry for your loss.”  
The boy couldn’t distinguish the words he had just heard. He started breathing heavily, his vision became blurry. He felt the world spinning.  
Tris. His own world – his own girl – just took a crashing.   
Why didn’t I notice it before?  
He blamed himself for not seeing what she was going through, even though it wasn’t his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes? No?


	13. Concern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tris and Four as kids back in Abnegation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys!
> 
> I just had an idea for a one-shot and I thought you guys would like it.
> 
> It is extremely short, but that's the point.

A ten-year-old Tobias Eaton was walking through the Abnegation sector. He was heading home, walking behind the equal looking gray houses, hidden from everyone.  
A eight-year-old Beatrice Prior was running home. She was not supposed to run, so she was taking a shortcut behind the houses.   
They were both distracted. Tobias was thinking about his father, the man that participated in the Council, the man that hit him if he did something wrong. Beatrice was enjoying the wind in her face so much to care about anything else.  
They were in opposite directions. Needless to say they bumped into each other.  
Tobias took a step back, which prevented him from falling.   
Beatrice, in the other hand, went straight to the ground, flat on her back.  
The boy looked at the mumble of grey clothes that came running at him. He came to her side, aiding the girl that tried to sit up.   
“Are you okay?” he asked.  
A girl in Abnegation standard clothes, her blond hair in a tight bun and a pair of grey-blue eyes that made him gasp.   
So beautiful.  
He had never seen such a beautiful pair of blue eyes. At least, he didn’t remember.  
She looked at the boy kneeling in front of her. Worried, she looked him over, looking for any injuries. Though he never fell, he could be in pain. His clothes were intact and he wasn’t holding any part of his body, which meant he wasn’t in pain whatsoever.   
He had dark Abnegation short hair, a worried expression in his childish features and dark blue eyes. She stared at them for a few moments. And then she remembered that he had asked her a question.  
“Yes, yes, I’m fine,” she politely answered, like her parents taught her. “How about you? I am so sorry for running into you. I never meant to hurt you, I apologize.”  
He smiled, “I’m alright. I think you took the worst since you fell. How’s your back?”  
He seemed really worried about her condition, which, coming from Abnegation, wasn’t new. But he seemed to care about her only, which was new.  
It hurt a little, but nothing that wouldn’t heal. “It’s okay. It looks worse than it is.”   
He helped her up and they said their goodbyes.  
That night, all she could think was the beautiful boy with dark blue eyes.  
And all that crossed the boy’s mind was the pair of beautiful grey-blue eyes and its owner.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes? No?  
> 


End file.
